


Rusty Feelings

by komaegi



Series: Rusty Feelings [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, M/M, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-07 15:15:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8805847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komaegi/pseuds/komaegi
Summary: A robot can never be what a human is, a human can't be what a robot is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first try at a multi-chapter fic. i probably won't update quickly so please don't get your hopes up. the character/additional tags will be updated as the fic goes on.

You're nothing at first. Just scattered pieces of various machines.  
That's what anyone would have thought after seeing you.  
You, in all honesty, don't know what you look like.  
You've never been able to see yourself. You could even say that you don't know yourself.  
You have no identity, and these parts glued together are your only sense of identity.  
It was a pity that you never knew how you are like.

You've always wondered if there was a reason for your existence.  
Well… to be frank, you don't really exist yet. You just wondered what was the purpose of whoever was creating you behind doing that.  
Maybe they'd install it into your memory, perhaps they'd tell you once they're done.  
You're empty of all your curious thoughts out of a sudden. You can't think of anything else anymore. But it's normal, as a robot can't think, neither feel.

If robots could feel, they'd be more like humans.  
In the first place, robots can never be like humans. You don't know how if it's possible but it's unlikely.  
Robots don't have beating hearts and lungs full of air, they only have metal and steel.  
But a robot's existence is the only thing that matters.  
It won't matter how 'human' they are –not that it's even possible– and even their inhumanity won't matter.  
A robot can never be what a human is, a human can't be what a robot is.  
It's an unwritten rule.

You, frankly, don't know how many time it's been since your creator –or Master, as you call them sometimes– started working on you.  
It could be years, months, days, hours.  
It's difficult to know what time is it when you're not finished yet.  
It could be possible that you're almost done.  
It could be that you'll be an unfinished project for some time.  
You only could wait. Time will solve that.

Sometimes, you hear sounds.  
Of course you never hear anyone's voice. You only hear engines and then it stops.  
It had always been like that. You got used to it.  
You don't really care but you wonder how Master sounds.  
Is their voice deep? Perhaps soft? Or quiet that you almost can't hear it?  
Either way, listening to Master for a few seconds would be much better than hearing the engines inside you.

Not being able to sense anything isn't really a great thing.  
Your memory keeps having more information but you still can't see, touch and smell.  
You would say taste but robots don't eat. And you already can hear sometimes, despite that it's only for a few seconds every once in a while.  
Your memory is full of information on lots of things but nothing personal.  
You're still, like before, without any identity.

But you're sure that you'll have a name, at least.  
You don't care what it might be. You wouldn't care if it was only a number.  
Just having a name would be better than having none at all.  
According to what you know, humans have names as the first proof of their existence.  
Unfortunately, you aren't human. You will never be one, even if you tried. You really shouldn't think about things like these.  
Having a name would be enough.

Waiting for the final product –you– has been taking a long time.  
Just how important were you? Not important that your master had time to stop working on you or extremely important that they had to make you perfect?  
It's not like you knew. You didn't know anything apart from basic information.  
You knew everything but at the same moment you still knew nothing.

Robots don't sleep but you can shut down, which is possibly the equivalent of sleeping.  
But instead of dreaming, there's nothing.  
It's as if a human died, then came back to life, then died again, and the cycle continues.  
You know that sometimes humans die in their sleep. But do robots die?  
Probably not… humans could fix you anytime.  
But they might not. That would make the undying robot dead.

For the first time ever, you're fully on.  
Of course you don't discover that until your lens shift around, looking at the new unknown scenery.  
You realize you might be finally alive.  
You don't move. You don't talk. You just continue looking around.  
It's quite messy around. There are lots of books and pieces of metal. There are way too many things that your memory can't identify them all in a short time.

"Good morning." A voice calls out to you. It's gentle and soft.  
You can immediately put your trust in that voice alone.  
He's the first person you hear and see. His hair is soft –according to your analysis– and light. His eyes –a little hidden because of his bangs– deep olive green, giving off a caring vibe. His clothes were too casual –consisting of a small jacket above a t-shirt and a pair of trousers– and he had something dangling from his neck –it's shiny, you note–  
He was too short, however. He was well-built but still too short.

You're unsure if you could talk. You didn't know what to say.  
"Ah." Your voice is low, you weren't even able to hear yourself.  
He's still looking at you, possibly expecting something.  
You don't know how to impress him, that's the problem.  
Besides, you're not sure how you'll react to your voice.  
"Master…" You finally speak, voice still low but clear. It's meant to sound like a question but you couldn't add any hint of confusion to it.

"M-Master?!" He flinches a little, voice coated with confusion and surprise.  
"If you're my creator," You continue quietly, you can't raise your voice too loud because it's not something robots could do "then that makes you my master."  
If he was your master, it wasn't that you'll be disappointed. The only thing that you didn't expect was how short he was. Master was so small compared to you.  
It was unexpected, since that you've thought he'd create you to be almost at his height.

"No, no, no!" He shakes his head, sounding a little nervous "You don't have to call me anything like that!"  
Huh? You didn't really have to?  
"But…" You notice that your voice is unusually human, it's as if a human without any emotions was talking. Except that wouldn't make them human. "You're still why I exist. I have to show you some respect, Master."  
"I said you don't have to." He sighed, he looked disappointed, as if your entire existence was a mistake he made "I just want you to think of me as someone other than your creator."

It was impossible to act as if the person in front of you wasn't that important.  
But other than your creator, you saw him than something else.  
"Then… you're my god…" You answered, hoping that the answer would satisfy him.  
You would worship him if it was possible for you to.  
"I can't be your god." He laughs, a smile on his face "I can't be anyone's god. I don't want to be a god."  
That made it tough. He couldn't be your master, but neither your god.

But it had to be either of these. You couldn't leave him out without a high status.  
"You're too kind, Master." You say, you liked that about him personally "But… you should think higher of yourself."  
"Is that so?" His voice had some melancholy in it, it was too little but you could still sense that it's there.  
"You're important to me, Master." Your voice is even more quiet than before "I can't exist without you. You're why I'm here."

"You give me way too much credit." He smiles faintly.  
It was true to you, however. The fact that you'd risk your life for his sake –do you even have the right to call it your life when you never die?– because he created you, he shaped you to be who you are now.  
And you should stop speaking as if you're a human being. You still don't have an actual name, anyway.  
"But you deserve it, Master." You don't go back against your word "I told you, Master is the most important person to me."

"I'm not 'master'." His voice is a little low "That's not my name."  
Name…? You almost… forgot that. You almost forgot that every human had a name to be associated with.  
But to you, he will always be 'Master', no one else other than that.  
"Name…" You try to ask, but it's not possible as it sounds too hollow to be a question.  
"You want to know my name?" He looks happy, you think that once you answer with a yes, he'll be satisfied.  
"Yes…"

"It's Naegi Makoto." His smile is even brighter than before, probably because you finally acknowledged him as a human rather than your master "Your name…"  
"My name…" You can't just say that you don't have a name. Besides, it's highly possible that he knows that.  
"Now that I think about it, you don't really have a name…" He hummed a little "You can pick up any name. I won't mind!"  
It wasn't like you minded any name either.  
However… you didn't want to name yourself.

"I want you to pick me a name, Master." You say, he only tilts his head in confusion.  
"Me…?" You nodded "Won't it feel wrong?"  
"No…" You shook your head, it surprises you that you don't hear the sound of engines inside you "It would be better if you do. It'd sound more correct. It would make me glad." If I could feel any emotions at all, you want to add.  
He nods, an understanding smile on his face.  
Seeing him express his feelings always made you almost wish that you could do it too.

"Then…" He hesitates for a moment "Is Nagito alright?"  
Nagi-to.  
Nagito.  
It had a nice ring to it.  
"I could pick another name, if you want me to." He answers, a little sounding awkward "I just like the name. It's alright if you don't like it-"  
"Thank you, Master." You answer, trying to sound a little genuine but failing in doing so "It's a nice name. No wonder you like it."

He still smiles at you. You're grateful your master was someone like him.  
His fingers interwine with yours "I'm sure you want to know how you look like too, right?"  
You slowly nod, you still don't hear the sounds of engines inside you.  
That proves that you're perfectly-made.  
He pulls you with all his strength and you stand up.  
You let go. Depending on someone else for a basic task like this is terrible.

However, you fall to the floor. You're lucky that you're strong enough to not break apart.  
"I'm sorry." He kneels down "Your legs are still weak. I will replace them with a different set. I'm sorry for not telling you."  
"I'm sorry for letting go." You answer, gripping his hands once again "I should have known since you didn't let go of my hands."  
It should be that obvious, but you assumed that he only wanted to grab your hand.

He walks, and you follow.  
His steps are steady, his speed matches yours.  
Despite the fact that the workshop –was that what it was called?– was small, the house was bigger than you expected.  
Not extremely large to the point that it'd look royal, but too big for one person to live in it alone.  
Maybe now that you're here, it'll feel smaller, since you'll start living here too.

He stops at a door. You let go of his hands, gripping his jacket.  
"It's your room." He says, as he opens the door.  
"Yes." You answer, following behind with trembling legs.  
It feels like they're about to collapse, but you don't mention it.  
You'll get new ones tomorrow, anyway.  
You don't want to bother your master. He already spent a long time making you.

The room looks like any bedroom you'd see.  
A closet, a bed, a drawer, a little bedside lamp, a mirror.  
You focus on the mirror. The closet could be important for your clothes, the bed isn't important, neither is the drawer and the lamp.  
The mirror is the one that has more importance to you at the moment.  
Maybe it will lose its importance later on, but not now.

You don't expect yourself to be incredibly charming or anything. So you don't have a clear idea of how you look like.  
"You've been looking at the mirror for a long time." He says, you could hear a laugh in his voice "You really are curious about your appearance, right?"  
"Maybe." You answer, your lifeless –no matter how alive you are, it'll always be lifeless– voice is a bit louder than before.  
"You say 'maybe' but it feels like more like a 'yes'." He answers, walking towards the mirror.  
You close your lens, trying to surprise yourself.  
Not that it'd work though…

He stops walking, only to take a few steps.  
You realize that he's behind you, as you can feel that he's supporting you from behind.  
Your lens open. The sight in front of you is unexpected.  
Wild white hair, extremely pale skin, thin structure, gray eyes.  
You take a step with your wobbly legs, and then touch the glass.

It's your reflection.  
"Me…" You whisper, it sounds vague but it's enough "It's me…"  
If your voice contained more feelings, you'd sound happy with a hint of surprise.  
But even when you're not human, it doesn't matter. Because you finally have an identity to yourself.  
"Yes." His voice is quiet, but you can tell that he's happy "It's you, Nagito."  
At this moment, you wished you could have emotions, just so you could finally be able to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We really should be starting, shouldn't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 1am so im sorry if anything is too badly-written

It wasn't like he could sleep.  
Robots don't sleep, they just get set to a different mode.  
It feels like emptiness, you feel like you're dead for moments.  
You don't even dream.  
Nagito didn't want his mode to be changed.  
So he remained on the bed, lying down with open eyes.

Master was nice enough to wish him a good night.  
It wasn't like Nagito would sleep, it's not possible.  
"One more thing," Master had said, with a gentle smile on his face "don't enter my room, please."  
Nagito only nodded. An order from Master is an established rule.  
He didn't question it. It was probably just Master wanting his own privacy.  
Humans felt like that.

He wasn't restricted with a large set of rules.  
He wasn't restricted with any rules, apart from this one.  
"Don't enter my room."  
"Never enter my room."  
The second almost sounded like a threat, but Master said it with a smile.  
Nagito nodded, he didn't want to disappoint him.  
"That's all. Good night."  
"Good night, Master."  
The door closed.

Nagito wondered how many hours have passed since that conversation.  
Five hours at most probably…  
They had no dinner.  
For him, it was alright. Robots can't eat.  
But Master didn't eat anything.  
He wondered when was the last time Master ate anything.  
Maybe that's why he was so small.  
If his legs were working properly, he would try to make breakfast.

But he couldn't stand. He had no ability to fix his own legs.  
He was only a robot.  
He wasn't even a powerful one, neither a smart one.  
He was just an ordinary robot.  
Almost useless.  
He'd be completely useless if he couldn't work.  
He was just a robot.  
An android.  
An artificial intelligence.  
Human on the outside, machine on the inside.

Humans couldn't live for so long.  
If Master died, he wouldn't be able to fix himself.  
His insides would rust, he would probably die.  
Maybe live again when someone finds him and tries to fix him.  
Nagito wasn't scared of 'dying'. He was scared of Master not responding to him, no matter how many times he knocks.  
If Master died in his own room, then he wouldn't be able to reach to him.  
"Never enter my room." Master said, he sounded stern, despite his smile.

Master wasn't old enough to die, but Nagito knew how humans are.  
Old humans died.  
Younger humans died.  
Young adults died.  
Teenagers died.  
Children died.  
Toddlers died.  
So many humans die at some uncertain point, Nagito couldn't predict it.  
Robots could live forever if they want, or they could die.

Did he want to live?  
He didn't know.  
But he had an identity, and it was enough.  
It might sound like an exaggeration, but it was enough.  
An identity might not sound important to humans, but it was to him.  
He didn't know what was important and what was not.  
But it didn't matter. Master gave him 'life' and he should be grateful for that.  
That's how he decides that he wants to live.

  
"Good morning!" Master enters his room with a toolkit. He yawns a little, seems like he just woke up.  
He's dressed a bit differently than yesterday.  
"Breakfast…" He could remind him this time.  
"Are you hungry?" Did Master not know that he's not able to eat "Do you want me to make something for you?"  
"No." Being indirect didn't work "You need to have breakfast, Master."  
Master didn't say anything.  
"You didn't have dinner yesterday." It's fine, Master's face said, I'm fine "You look like you just woke up, so you couldn't have eaten anything."

Master let out a little laugh.  
"You're right." He answers, eyes looking away, as if he was guilty of something "But… I don't think I'm hungry."  
"You still need to eat or you might die." Nagito wished his voice wasn't so monotonous "I don't want you to die, Master."  
He really wished his voice contained emotions.  
Maybe then, Master would understand.  
"Fine then," Master sighed, setting his toolkit on the floor "since you're so persistent."  
He only nodded.  
He wanted to smile, he wanted to laugh.  
But it seems robots are just robots.

But it might be possible, to build a robot with feelings.  
He didn't know if it was possible or not, he just felt it was.  
Maybe he'd have his own emotions, maybe Master would give him an ability to get feelings.  
He would never ask anything from Master, it was too much.  
He didn't need emotions, they weren't important.  
He could work the same, even without emotions.  
"You didn't take a long time." He notices Master entering the room again, with a sandwich in his hand this time.  
A sandwich is really not much, isn't it?  
"I thought you won't believe me if I ate alone." Master answered his unasked question "That's why I decided to eat in front of you."

Master bit into his sandwich.  
"You worry too much about me." Nagito wouldn't call it worry "I won't die because I skipped two meals, you know? It's not like I wasn't eating my entire life."  
"But if you skip meals, you won't be able to grow taller."  
"How old do you think I am…" Nagito didn't think about it.  
"…Fifteen…" Master couldn't be younger than that.  
Master laughed a bit too awkwardly.  
"I'm twenty-four…" He answers, looking a bit embarrassed "I wouldn't be surprised if you also mistook me for a teenager."  
'Also' indicated that it might have happened so many times before.  
"You're really good-looking, at least." Master didn't seem to like the fact that he looked young.

"It's alright." He smiles a bit bitterly "You can call me cute. It's alright, Nagito."  
Did Master dislike being called 'cute'?  
"Master is… handsome." He decides on a different word to use.  
"You really don't want to disappoint me, do you?" Master sighed a bit, with a calmer expression on his face "I don't want you to please me, you know? You're not my servant."  
Then what was he?  
"What am I to you, Master?" For the first time, he asks a question.  
Master just smiles.  
"Nagito. You're just Nagito."

"Just Nagito…" He repeated "Just your Nagito…"  
"No." Master laughed a little "You're not mine, you're yours."  
It wasn't logical. Master created him, yet he's pretending as if Nagito created himself.  
Nagito couldn't create anything.  
Nagito wasn't someone special.  
Nagito wasn't someone.  
"Why?" He wondered, "Why don't I belong to you? You created me, Master."  
Robots weren't human, you could own them.  
"I don't want you to belong to me." Master smiled "That'd be inhumane."  
Despite that, he wasn't a human.

"But—" He attempted to talk, only to be interrupted.  
"It feels so wrong." The words were a bit too sharp "I'm not going to do that to you."  
There was something off about him.  
"I'm not going to let myself treat you like that."  
Why did he sound so off?  
"I'd never think of treating you like that."  
Why did Master sound like that?  
"I'd never hurt you." Robots couldn't get hurt "I'd rather get hurt than seeing you hurt."  
He wondered if Master knew that.  
Of course he did, everyone knows robots don't feel pain.  
"That's why I won't call you mine." His voice sounded the same as always "You're not mine."

There's silence.  
The mood was a bit tense.  
Nagito didn't know what to say.  
"Ah…" That was the only thing he says  
"Did I ruin the mood?" Master sounds anxious "I'm sorry…"  
For some reason, he couldn't talk.  
As if his tongue rusted.  
He wondered if it actually happened.  
Master put his sandwich down, he notices that it's unfinished.  
He's worried.  
"We really should be starting, shouldn't we?" He smiles at Nagito, and Nagito can't bring himself to smile back.  
So he only nods, as if his ability to speak was taken away.

  
"I spent most of the night trying to make them." Master brought him his new legs "They look pretty strong. I hope they really are."  
Did Master not sleep? Did Master spend the entire time making them?  
"…" He didn't want to disturb Master, not after what happened a moment ago.  
Master sounded really angry, Nagito thinks.  
Master sounded really different.  
Really odd.  
Almost as if he was a different person.  
Almost as if he's someone else, stealing Master's true identity.

The screws on his unstable legs are loose. They simply fall to the floor.  
Master is able to collect them. He's really fast.  
"Are you sure you want to see that?" He awkwardly points at the almost detached legs "Isn't it a bit disturbing to watch?"  
Nagito knows that humans think their insides look gruesome.  
Maybe it's not the same for robots.  
"I don't mind." He answers, not with the same tone he used before "Go ahead."  
Master lets out a barely audible 'okay' & takes them apart.  
…His insides looked weird.  
Nothing really spilled out of him.  
Not blood, not oil.

"There's no blood." Nagito says, it's supposed to be a question "No blood…"  
"Robots don't have blood." Master answers "But if there's no leak, it means everything is alright."  
"Ah…"  
Silence.  
"Was I harsh on you?" Master asks, his gaze fixated on your body ("There seems to be nothing else wrong.").  
Master wasn't really 'harsh'.  
"No." His hand lifted Nagito's arms ("All fine.") "Master isn't really harsh…"

"Are you intimidated by me?" He asks again, his screwdriver in his hands "Perhaps you don't like me?"  
"I don't hate you, Master." Nagito answered, out of all things to think of, Master thinking that wasn't really logical.  
Did robots hate their creators? He doesn't know.  
He doesn't really care.  
"Then why?" Master screws the new legs, attaching them to the bottom of his body "Why don't you seem as responsive as before?"  
Nagito didn't know whether Master was hurt or not.  
"I hurt you." He answers "You looked so hurt, Master."  
"…" Master didn't speak for a moment.  
"You were angry." It looked like something inside him snapped "You were smiling but I could tell that. I could tell that you were upset most of all."

"Because I hate it." The sound of the screwdriver hitting the floor is louder than the words "And I don't want to hate you for that."  
Was Master able to hate a person for that?  
"Besides, you mean a lot to me. I can't bear to hear you talk like that about yourself."  
But he's just a robot.  
Or maybe, inventors treasure what they created.  
Making a robot must be difficult.  
Maybe that's why he's treasured.  
"It's so unfair, that you're not human. Maybe you will be convinced that we're equals."  
But they still weren't.

He's a robot.  
Master is a human.  
Humans could never be inferior to robots.  
Humans could destroy a robot.  
Humans were so smart.  
Master was so smart.  
So extraordinary.  
Maybe one day he could be like that too.  
Extraordinary.  
Special.  
Uncommon.  
But for now, he's only going to stand beside him.  
He's only going to be the sidekick to the protagonist.

"I'm done." He doesn't even notice, that his legs are already attached to his body "You should try them first, just in case they don't work."  
He nodded, putting one foot on the floor.  
it looked stable enough.  
He put his second one, only to find himself standing straight.  
He took a step, a second one, a third one.  
"They're working well." He answers "Thank you, Master."  
"It wasn't much." Master answered with a shy laugh "It's my job."  
"But you stayed up for a long time to make them." Nagito thought it was more than 'much'.  
"I'm used to staying up late," Did Master ever sleep at all? He wondered "so it wasn't really much."

"Aren't you tired?" He asks. Master looks tired. Of course he's tired.  
"I don't know." Despite how each step he took looked dazed, he answered "It's been so long, since I slept properly."  
"If it's been so long, then you should get some rest."  
"I'm fine." But he wasn't. The dark eye circles indicated that, his wobbly body indicated that "I promise."  
Everything indicated that.  
"But—"  
"I said I'm not tired!" For the second time, he seemed over the edge again. "Just Lea—"  
Just what?  
"I'm sorry." Master regained his composure for a few minutes "Just… stay here, okay?"  
Nagito was confused, but he nodded anyway.  
An order is an order.  
Master left the room. He didn't follow him.  
An order is an order.

  
He wondered what he did wrong.  
He wondered what was that about.  
"Just—" Just what did Master mean to say?  
He didn't understand how humans were.  
He understood some, he didn't understand all.  
Most people didn't act like that.  
Despite that, Master was so special. Nagito was certain that he didn't act like a normal human all the time.  
But that wasn't what he expected.  
That wasn't what he wanted to see.  
That wasn't the Master he knew.

He felt his engines boiling hot.  
He felt his body weaken a bit.  
As impossible as it sounded, he felt something.  
He felt an emotion only a human could feel.  
Hatred.  
He hated.  
He hated seeing Master like that.  
He hated hearing Master talk like that.  
He hated that tone of voice.  
He hated.  
Nagito, only a robot without any sense of emotions, hated.  
It was the only thing that almost defines him as a human.

Despite that, he wanted to stand in front of the door.  
Not even enter the room (He wasn't allowed to do so, after all), just stand in front of it.  
Just call Master.  
Just apologize.  
But Master ordered him to stay here.  
He couldn't leave.  
He thought of Master's shaky smile.  
His quiet voice, asking him to stay here.  
To stay in his own room.  
To not leave his room.  
He doesn't mind it.  
He'd do anything, as long as it made Master happy again.

It wouldn't be a good thing if Master did that to himself.  
He didn't want to imagine Master dying of lack of sleep or starvation.  
It was very possible. Master didn't seem to care about his health.  
He'd only shrug it off as something unimportant.  
He was really careless…  
Master wouldn't like him to do what he likes, but if it was for Master's sake, he wouldn't hesitate to leave the room.  
He… might hesitate if it came to breaking into Master's room.

The doorbell rang.  
He couldn't tell if he was allowed to get out.  
Master said "stay here" and he wouldn't Master to be upset.  
It was the correct choice to stay cooped up here.  
But the doorbell rang and rang. It couldn't stop ringing.  
Master ordered him.  
But the doorbell kept begging him.  
'Please open the door.' it said frantically 'Hurry up!'  
But he couldn't. Master wouldn't want that.  
Master could hate him for that.

The thought of Master hating him wasn't nice.  
It almost sounded unreal. Master can't be that kind of person who's capable of hating someone like that.  
But Master might be.  
"I don't want to hate you for that." Master said.  
Master could hate him. Master could even destroy him.  
He could tear him to pieces.  
He could do anything.  
The doorbell rang again, now with a few door knocks.  
Master could hate him.

But despite that…  
"I'm sorry." He answers, before getting out of his room.  
The house is quiet. If the bell was silent, then it'd feel really peaceful.  
The house is too big, he walks slowly.  
It'd take him a long time to the door.  
The bell keeps ringing.  
Master would really be mad.  
A few knocks sounded.  
Master wouldn't forgive him.  
But despite that…

"I'm sorry." He bows at the stranger "It took me a long time."  
The stranger never answers.  
She looks at him in silence.  
She takes a step inside.  
"Good morning." She responds quietly, as she takes out her coat. "It's been really cold outside, hasn't it?"  
Unfortunately, he hasn't been outside.  
"I think so."  
He thinks that communicating with her will be a bit too difficult…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to give me criticism or tell me about a typo if you notice one! good night im so tired


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was he the same as always?"  
> She hummed a bit.  
> "He's a bit different now." She answered, "But I understand why he became like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this kinda took some time but here you go. also the next chapter will take some time because of exams. hope this chapter is decent!

Nagito didn't study anything about communicating with humans.  
It's only been less than a day since his creation. He didn't expect to be in contact with anyone other than Master.  
She walked freely around the house.  
He followed her, even when she seemed to know the house's structure.  
It's like she's been here before.  
She didn't say anything about him following her.  
She stopped at a door.  
The door to Master's room.

He grabbed her arm.  
"I'm sorry," He replies "but Master doesn't really want anyone to go into his room."  
She seemed to hesitate for a while.  
"Are you sure?" Her voice sounded a bit confused "He lets me enter it whenever I visit."  
It felt a bit unfair.  
Just who was that lady?  
"Master isn't feeling well at the moment." He replied, her stubborn sight was fixated on him "I think he doesn't want anyone to—"  
"He asked me to." He didn't expect that…

"Liar." He knows that there's a possibility that she's right.  
But Master… wouldn't do that, right?  
If he can trust others, then he can trust Nagito too.  
"It's not possible for people like us to lie." She answers, calmly yet so persistently "Detectives never lie."  
"…"  
Miss Detective is really difficult to communicate with.  
Nagito doesn't even notice that she started to knock on the door.  
"I don't think you should really do that…"  
She knocked a second time.  
"Miss Detective, it's really enough."  
She stopped.

"He's asleep." She replies, as if she could come to that conclusion for a few minutes.  
Nagito didn't understand detectives.  
He couldn't be as smart as one, neither could anyone else.  
She heads back, he follows her once more.  
You can't be sure about a stranger's intentions.  
"We should head back, shouldn't we?" She plainly says, her tone never changes, her expressions don't either "He should get some rest."  
Of course he should, because he hadn't slept for so long.  
If humans stay awake for too long, they would cease to exist.  
Death was a scary thought.

But, Master wouldn't die, right?  
He's only twenty-four years old.  
Humans can live to a hundred years, so twenty-four years would be too young to die.  
Too youthful.  
"What's wrong?" She asks, his steel fingers' hold is too hard.  
"Tell me, Miss Detective." Her expression still haven't changed "Is Master going to die?"  
She would know, wouldn't she?  
Detectives know everything, don't they?  
She told him that detectives never lie, didn't she?  
She wouldn't lie to him, right?  
**He could trust her**.

"When he woke up, he didn't eat breakfast and he said he stayed up all night—" He never wanted to lose him, not now "I don't want him to die."  
He really meant it. His death would mean that Nagito wouldn't have a reason to continue any further.  
For the first time, she smiled.  
Her smile was beautiful, he wanted to tell her.  
He wondered why she didn't smile often.  
"It's going to be okay." She put a hand on his shoulder, "He's not going to die."  
_Detectives never lie_ , she said.  
"Master is not going to die?"  
She nodded.  
"At some point, he began to get used to it." She replied softly "Not sleeping for days, not eating for a long time. It wouldn't kill him."

"Thank you," With hesitation, he finally replies "Miss Detective."  
She nodded, as she walked back.  
As usual, he followed.  
"I would appreciate it if you stopped calling me 'Miss Detective'." She said as she took each step "Unless if you want me to call you 'Mr. Android'."  
"You can, if you want to." He answers.  
"But I wouldn't want to call you that."  
"…Nagito."  
"Is that your name?" He replies with a quick 'yes' "You look like a 'Nagito' to me."  
He didn't know what that was supposed to mean.  
"Kirigiri Kyouko." She answered, and he thought her name was also beautiful.

  
They asked each other questions to pass time.  
Well… he did ask more than her. He didn't have much to say about himself.  
"Your entire family were detectives?" It was a bit uncommon, how someone follows the same path as their family.  
"Yes." She answered "Apart from my father, who worked as a headmaster."  
Of course there had to be that one family member who got another job.  
"So your family is pretty popular." He came to that conclusion "It must be nice."  
"It's just nice to solve crimes." She answered, "Popularity has nothing to do with it."  
"You sound like the kind of person who doesn't like attention…" He replied back.

"It's annoying at some times." She said, "I don't think I was close to many people, maybe up until high school."  
He saw her smile.  
It must be a good memory.  
"My father was the headmaster of the school I was enrolled in." She began, "I didn't like it at first. I didn't really like him."  
He wondered how their relationship was.  
"I didn't get used to it, at first." She mused, "No one was used to it, we were all far away from each other."  
"It must have been nice, then." Nagito said. If Kirigiri-san liked solitude, then it must have been nice.  
"It hadn't been like that for so long." She answered, he wondered why she liked it " **He** changed it."  
"He?"

" **Makoto-kun**." She used his first name, it was so unusual, "He brought us together. He's the reason why all of us are still in contact in the first place."  
"So… you met Master in high school?" He shouldn't have called her a 'liar'. "Was he the same as always?"  
She hummed a bit.  
"He's a bit different now." She answered, "But I understand why he became like that."  
There was some sadness in her voice. Nagito didn't want to ask what exactly caused Master to be like that, he can't intrude on his private life.  
"It was incredible." She smiled again, as if she wanted to relive these memories again "It was also mysterious. I wondered how someone like him easily charmed us like that."  
It almost sounded like Master was a player.

"What do you mean?"  
"All of us had talents." She explained, "I was a detective, another classmate of was a heir, another one was a programmer—"  
She went on and on.  
"Was Master an inventor?" It would make sense if he was.  
"He was nothing special like that." She shook her head, "Makoto-kun was just lucky."  
He didn't understand.  
Wasn't luck just something everyone had?  
"It was surprising for me." She continued, "Maybe for the rest too. He was ordinary, but he was capable of doing something as difficult as that."  
That's why he's so special, he wanted to say.  
"It was all because of him, that I have some people by my side."  
Did she meant that she has someone to love?

"Kirigiri-san, are you and Master in a relationship?" Her cheeks turned dark pink, her gaze shifted away from him.  
"Why would you think that…?" She seemed a bit embarrassed about it, he must have been right.  
"You call him by his first name." It was enough to know that they were in love, "Isn't that a thing between lovers?"  
"It is but," She smiled shyly, "Makoto-kun is only a close friend, a really close one."  
"But you must like him," He pointed at her cheeks, "You're blushing, Kirigiri-san."  
"It's just a bit embarrassing when you mention it—"  
"Because you like him."  
"I'm already in a relationship." She quickly says, he's not sure if she's lying or not, "I can't cheat on my lover, you know that?"

"But does your lover know about how you use first name basis with Master?"  
"We were all classmates at some point, Nagito-kun." The fact that she used his name —he can't call it 'first name, considering he has no last name— seemed to insist that "I didn't say it but it's thanks to him that I fell in love too."  
It sort of made sense.  
But he wondered why she didn't like Master.  
Master was so beautiful, twice as beautiful than Kirigiri-san is, perhaps even more.  
That's what he thought.  
He didn't understand love, he knew he couldn't do it.  
He couldn't love someone.  
He wondered if Master loved someone.

"You give me too much credit." They didn't notice his voice, neither his shy smile until now, "I didn't really do much, Kyouko-san."  
"Stop acting like you didn't do anything that left a big impact on us." She smiles, "It hasn't been too long, since you slept."  
"That's fine." He answers, "I wasn't really tired."  
"You don't have to dwell about it, you know that, don't you?" Nagito didn't understand what that meant, and Master didn't reply.  
He wondered why.  
"We don't really have to talk about it." Master said, it almost sounded like he was begging, "I don't really want to talk about it."  
"I don't want to force you then." She answered back.  
Then there was silence.

  
For some reason, Nagito really wanted to make the situation better.  
He decided on making tea.  
He knows how to do so, it's in his memory.  
He looks at the way the water boils, it sort of reminds him of how Master snapped in the beginning of the day.  
After some time, Master was angry. Just like how this water kept popping up.  
He added the tea leaves, the water slowly changed in color.  
It kept getting browner and browner.  
Like Master's brown hair.  
But Master's hair reminded him more of chocolate, specifically milk chocolate, or hot chocolate.  
Chocolate fitted Master better. It was **sweet**.  
He lifted the kettle off the oven.

He noticed that they were talking a bit when he returned.  
He put the kettle down, only to go back for sugar —he didn't know how either of them liked their tea—  
"It's been a while since any of the rest saw you." He heard her say, "You need to meet up with the rest, you know?"  
He could see Master's fingers move a little.  
"I don't want to."  
"Maybe a reunion could work for you?"  
"No."  
"We could go out somewhere, all of—"  
"No."  
From what had been said, Master was sociable.  
He liked socializing. He liked spending time with people.  
But he was being the exact opposite now.  
Nagito wondered why.  
He wondered what could give him a scar that deep.

"It's really dull here." Kirigiri-san sighed, "You really should go out every once in a while."  
"I like it here." Master responds with a smile, "I love it."  
"I know that you don't." She was a detective, Nagito didn't know how Master would lie, "I know it's been difficult for you, but you need to start over again."  
Master hummed a bit.  
"You moved on, didn't you?" She glances at Nagito for a while, "You're not completely alone, you know that?"  
"It's different." He whispers, "That's not the case."  
He seemed a bit angry, just like back in Nagito's room.  
"How is it different?" She asked, "You have Nagito with you, don't you—"

" **Nagito has nothing to do with it**." He answered, "He doesn't have anything to do with what happened in the past."  
What happened in the past?  
He can't help but wonder, even when a robot shouldn't wonder.  
"I'm fine." Master smiles, "You could check on me another day."  
"But—"  
"I'm fine, Kyouko-san." He continues persistently, "You have someone waiting for you back home."  
"Alright then." She gets up, "Then we're having a reunion party at your house."  
"H-Huh?" The words shocked him a bit, "Here?"  
"Makoto-kun, if you think you're alright, then you could do it." She smiled, "Lots of our friends are wondering about you."

"Certainly not Togami-kun…" Master mumbles, Nagito keeps in mind that he'd have to keep an eye on that 'Togami-kun'.  
"You could invite more people, but for now, it's only our class." She explains, "I'm going to help with the planning, so you're not exactly alone."  
"Th-That's alright…" Master answers, "Will you specify when it is later?"  
"I'll check with the others." She replied, Nagito thought that she was a dependable person, "I'll talk to you about it after a few days."  
"Yes."

She wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a hug.  
Nagito thinks that they're too close, one could almost mistake them for lovers.  
"It's what all of us want." She smiled, "For you to be happy, we all want that."  
Master hummed again.  
"You have to do it for us." She continued, "We just want the old you back, the one before that incident."  
"I'll try…" He answers, with lots of hesitation, "A lot happened, so I'm not sure I could be the same. But I'll try."  
"I trust you enough for that," She laughs a little, " **our glimmering light**."  
Master blushes a little.

She walks to the door, Nagito follows her out of habit.  
"Nagito-kun." She answered, "Your tea tasted nice."  
He didn't have any sense of taste.  
"Thank you, Kirigiri-san." He replies, "I was just following a simple recipe."  
"Please take care of Makoto-kun." He thought it was nice for her to trust him, "Even if you can't go into his room, make sure he's alright when he's out. And talk to him."  
Talking with him seemed difficult.  
"Just spend enough time with him." She put a hand on his shoulder, "As much as he doesn't want to be sociable right now, he likes spending time with people."  
"Yes. I'll make sure to do so."  
The door slammed shut, and the silence was beautiful.

  
Master didn't go into his room, surprisingly.  
"Are you feeling better, Master?" Master hummed a little, "You look a bit upset."  
"I'm not upset." A soft awkward laugh, "It's just been a while, since I had to plan something like that."  
"But it's good to be trusted by someone." Nagito knew how it felt, he's still in surprise that he could feel some human emotions, "I'm glad you trust me, Master."  
" **I don't really trust you** , Nagito." He answered, "But I'm glad you're here."  
"Why can't you trust me?" Nagito wondered, "You can depend on me too."

"I'm too scared of trusting you." Master smiled softly, "You might think that I'm a horrible person."  
"I'd never—"  
"I trust you, Nagito." Master interrupted him, "I just don't really trust you, not enough."  
"…"  
"Maybe one day, I might stop being a coward." Master runs his fingers on the sofa, "But for now, I won't fully trust you."  
Nagito doesnt know how to move on to another subject.  
"So, Master and Kirigiri-san have been together in high school." Master blushed a bit.  
"You make it sound like a relationship."  
"I already know you're not in a relationships with her." Nagito tilted his head, "But do you like her?"  
Master's face was red. It was adorable.  
"N-No! What makes you think—"  
"You know that she's in a relationship, right?"

"I-I know that! It's been a long time since it happened!" Master continues, "But… I liked her, back in high school."  
The thought of Master asking someone out was too unusual.  
"So you had a relationship back then?" Nagito tilted his head.  
"She rejected me." Master answers quietly.  
"Why? Did she like someone?"  
"No." Master smiled, "She confessed to me that she likes girls."  
"A-Ah…" He wondered what was Master's type, "So she's dating another of your classmates?"  
"Yes." He nodded, "Maizono Sayaka. She was the idol in our class."  
"So… Kirigiri-san is in a relationship with an idol?" It didn't make sense.  
"I think Sayaka-san quit her idol career." Master mused, "She said she'll become a singer, that's really better for her. Idols can't get into relationships."

"Have you ever loved someone?" Nagito thought it'd be a bit interesting, "Have someone ever loved you back?"  
"Numerous times." Master answered, "I've been confessed to in middle school and high school. I've been in relationships too, but they didn't last for so long."  
"Ah… Master isn't really an expert on love." It could make sense, "So Master didn't have any long-lasting relationships?"  
"I had one." Only one didn't seem much, "But it sort of… ended too."  
"But you were happy, weren't you?" Master nodded.  
"I was so happy. I was so in love. We both were so in love." Master answered, smiling, "But **we were so in love** , that **I ended up doing something terrible**."

"It couldn't be that terrible, Master." Master could be overreacting, breaking up with someone isn't that bad.  
"It is, Nagito." Master laughed a little, "You'll hate me once I say what it is."  
"Master, there's no way I can hate you." He didn't have emotions, "There's no way—"  
" **It's so terrible…** " Master stroked his hair, "I don't want it to happen again. I don't want it to happen to **you**."  
"It's okay." Nagito answers, "I won't hate you for anything."  
"I…I…" Master smiled a little, "We were so in love and **I killed him**."

He was silent.  
Master loved a boy?  
"I loved him, and he loved me too." Master wasn't in a good state, "B-But I killed him. I didn't want to kill him, but I did."  
"He loved me so much, and I killed him." Master said, " **And he let me do it, because he loved me**."  
Killing someone was something 'terrible'.  
But Master was still so **perfect** , even with the tears falling, even with the sudden outbursts.  
"I'd never hate you for something like that, Master."  
"You have to hate me for it." Master answered, "If you don't, then I'll end up killing you too."  
"I exist for you." It was true, "I can't die, Master, you can always rebuild me."

"You're an idiot." Master answers, he pauses for a moment, " **…A big idiot**."  
But it was alright.  
Maybe if he could act like a big idiot, Master could trust him more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The entire month didn't feel like a month should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bad news is that i didn't finish my exams (1 left) but the good news is that i finished this chapter! this really wasn't intended as a an actual chapter (i wanted a filler between the reunion party and the previous chapter) but apparently it suddenly got important?? woah... anyway, im bad with keeping up with fics so this will probably finish soon but i'll see how long it could get. hope you enjoy this chapter!

Nagito understood how time worked, but the entire month didn't feel like a month should.  
Frankly, it felt shorter.  
Just like as if it was only an hour.  
But he still learned a lot. He could easily cook any recipe by now.  
He tried to read as many books as he could, and Master sometimes expanded his memory capacity when it was getting a bit short.  
"It will be troublesome if you forget everything else." Master said.

He couldn't talk properly with Master about it.  
About how he killed his past lover.  
He didn't mind it, he didn't care if Master was a murderer.  
Master was kind, loving, caring—  
What else?  
Violent? Master wasn't like that.  
Even if Master killed someone, that doesn't make him violent.  
Master said that he didn't want it.  
He said it, and Nagito thinks that it's true.  
Master wouldn't kill anyone without a good reason, right?

He wanted to take revenge on whoever forced him to do so.  
He wasn't supposed to feel anything.  
But when Master was upset, something inside him felt upset, or angry.  
When Master was happy, something inside him felt overjoyed.  
He couldn't express it.  
He couldn't show it.  
It was only hidden, deep within him.  
When he talked about it, Master smiled cheerfully.  
"That's a good thing! Please take care of them!" Nagito didn't understand what he meant with these words.  
But he was happy, happy to see him smile like that.  
It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  
He hadn't seen lots of things, at least not in person.

But he knew, that it was the most spectacular sight.  
That Master was the most perfect person in the entire world.  
"I'm not really special." Master always repeated, but he didn't care much for himself.  
Not enough to recognize his own abilities.  
He was more than any word that could describe him.  
It was just too impossible to describe him.  
Words were too weak.  
Master was someone beyond words.  
Whether they were common or uncommon.  
Master was Master.  
Master meant someone who had control over someone else, but if Nagito could create another word for perfection, it'd be 'Master'  
He could use his first name, but he's not worthy enough yet.

Master was getting better somehow.  
He didn't hide as often.  
He was a bit more cheerful. He still snapped sometimes though.  
But the impact of being forced to murder your beloved could do that.  
It takes a long time, and Master didn't like to leave the house so often.  
After Kirigiri-san had specified that the reunion party could take place this coming week, he had something to occupy his mind with.  
That is a thing other than work. Apparently Master worked from home.  
Nagito didn't know that, but he discovered that when he saw Master putting some papers in the mailbox.  
Master said that he couldn't go anywhere, because he was somehow destructive.

But for some reason, he seemed fine right now.  
His sleep cycles weren't messy anymore. He slept a bit late, but he didn't wake up early.  
He also started eating more properly.  
He didn't skip meals, he ate whatever Nagito made for him.  
For some reason, he seemed to not enjoy cakes.  
Kirigiri-san had mentioned that he used to like cakes, so Nagito tried to make one.  
But Master still didn't eat it.  
"I don't like cakes." He laughed a bit awkwardly, "I'm so sorry, Nagito. You worked hard on it, didn't you?"  
It was a bit painful that he didn't want to eat it.  
Not even taste it.  
"Strawberry cakes are my least favorite too." He mentioned sadly, " **I hate them so much.** Everytime I see one, I feel like I have to knock it off."

It was a bit unsettling.  
But Master didn't knock it off, he only stood up.  
"It's not your fault." He ruffled Nagito's hair, it was as if he was a pet, "You didn't know. I should've told you."  
And he was. He was Master's pet.  
"Nothing is your fault." He continued softly, "If I ever blame you, then I'm wrong."  
His voice was soothing, Nagito almost didn't feel that Master is about to cry.  
"It's just a cake, Master." He answered, "You shouldn't feel really guilty about hating cakes."  
"But you thought it'd make me happy and I…" Tears began to stream down his face, "I didn't even taste it."  
"It's fine."  
"I'm sorry…"   
It was alright.  
Seeing Master in so much pain would have made him feel worse.

  
It wasn't like Master to panic like that.  
The house was messy. He knocked a couple of stuff, injuring himself in the process.  
Nagito couldn't stop him. Master wouldn't let him.  
Master would probably hurt him.  
But noticing that Master's neck wasn't sparkling, Nagito understood that Master lost that thing he hanged on his neck.  
Was it a necklace? Not quite.  
It was more of a chain with something else inserted inside it.  
But Master seemed to wear it all the time.  
He never took it off.  
It looked so precious to him.  
He was messing up the entire house to find it, after all.  
Master is a bit vulnerable.  
He almost breaks another vase, but luckily Nagito catches it in time.  
When Master called himself 'destructive', Nagito couldn't believe it.  
But he might believe it now.  
Only for now.

At last, Master stopped messing up the house.  
Nagito thought it was better, but it wasn't.  
Master cried.  
"I lost it!" He said, choking on tears, "I said I won't ever take it off… **I promised** I won't take it off… I promised him—"  
Nagito knew that 'him' referred to Master's previous boyfriend.  
He didn't know why that thing matter. Why Master seemed so against the idea of letting go.  
But part of him understood. If he had to part away from Master, he'd feel the same.  
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" Master continued crying, "I-I love you! I love you! I love you—"  
It's more painful than before.  
"I love you! I love you! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! It's my fault! I still love you—"  
Because part of Nagito wished it could be him.  
But Master loved him instead.  
Master chose a dead person over Nagito.  
Master would never choose him.  
At least not now.

Nagito almost doesn't notice the puddle of blood beside him.  
"Stop it." Master does stop smashing the shattered pieces of glass against his arm.  
But he's still shaking. He's still too worried.  
"You have to calm down, Master." Nagito says, he tries his best to be truthful, "It's just an old gift, right? It's no big deal."  
"But I can't do it if I don't have it." Master screamed, "I can't—"  
He winced in pain, as he he grabbed his right arm.  
There wasn't so much blood, but it must have been really painful.  
"I promised I'd never take it off." He said, his words sounded a bit hollow, "I didn't take it off when he died either."  
To Nagito, it seemed like Master's lover made a big impact on him.  
But Nagito didn't like it.  
The reason Master was hurt was because of his lover.  
Nagito realizes that he hates him a little.

"If it's important to you, then I'll try to find it."  
"It's not just important to me." Master answered, "It's the only thing I treasure."  
"I see."  
He wanted to ask why.  
Why that pendant was so important.  
Even if it was a gift from his lover, he could easily buy another one, an exact replica.  
Master is quite rich, isn't he?  
It might be an exaggeration.  
Of course it wasn't the only thing he treasured.  
…Is it?  
It's a bit different. Buying something is different from getting it as a gift.  
Humans feel happier when they get gifts.  
Maybe Nagito could buy something for Master.  
That is… once he gets money.

His eyes caught something sparkling.  
"I think I've found it." He extended his arms a bit, feeling the sensation of something against his hand.  
It felt round.  
Master always wore it, but it was too small, so Nagito couldn't know what it was.  
He hid it sometimes too, inside his shirt.  
"Is that it?" The pendant didn't look like a pendant.  
It was more of a ring.  
Rings are meant to be worn in someone's finger.  
But for some reason, Master wore it around his neck.  
Maybe he could hide it easily if he needs to.  
Master snatched it away from him.  
Nagito would almost think Master would die without that ring.  
Master is silent for a while.  
"…Thank you."  
Nagito existed for him. It was no big deal.

"Did Master get that as a gift?" He asked, he knew the answer would be yes, "From your lover?"  
Master tensed a little at the mention of his boyfriend.  
"It's not a gift." He mumbled, "It's more of a promise."  
"But he can't really keep promises when he's dead." He didn't understand how Master thought, "You should really let go of—"  
"Why did you start acting like them too?" He seemed a bit angry, "You don't even know him, do you?"  
"I…" He couldn't speak.  
"You all don't know anything." His words were venomous, almost too hateful, "But you don't know anything about him, Nagito. You didn't even exist when he was alive. You didn't exist the moment he died. **What do you know about him?** "  
He knew nothing.  
He only knew that the very thought of his death haunted Master so often.  
That's why Nagito hated him.

"I know that he's hurting you." He answered truthfully, "That's why I don't want you to think about him."  
"He's not hurting me!" Even though Master was angry, it didn't feel like it was one of those outbursts, "All of what's happening to me doesn't compare to what I did to him!"  
He was angry, but most of all, he seemed more sad than angry.  
"I did lots of terrible things to him & then I ended up killing him." He answered, tears streaming down his cheeks, "He'd never even attempt to hurt me."  
For some reason, it felt like Nagito was hurting Master.  
And it hurt a bit.  
"You don't understand, because you're just a robot." But he had emotions, "You're just a robot, you're not supposed to tell how humans could feel. You can't even sympathize with them."  
Master walked away.  
"You're not a person." The words hurt him a bit, even when he couldn't show it, "That's why you shouldn't try to speak like you understand me."  
The door slammed shut.

  
It felt like it was all lost.  
All the effort, all of the development.  
Nagito thought that Master was getting better, but he was there again.  
He shut himself inside again.  
This time, Nagito sat in front of his door.  
"I'm sorry, Master." He knocked before saying that of course, "I knew I shouldn't have said that."  
 _Even if it's true._  
Master didn't answer.  
"I overstepped my lines." But it was still true, "I shouldn't have mentioned him, right?"  
Silence.  
"Don't die, Master." He was worried, "At least just give me a sign that youre still alive or one that means that you aren't planning to kill yourself—"  
Something banged against the door.

"I'm glad you're still alive." It was relieving to hear it, "But I was hoping to hear your voice."  
Master seemed to give him the silent treatment.  
"I love you. I really do." ** _I just wish you'd love me too_ _,_ ** "That's why it hurts me when you're sad. It almost feels like I'm going to die from grief."  
 _I just wish I could replace him too._  
 _I just wish I could be enough just like he was for you._  
 _But you're only **my Master** & I'm only **your Servant.**_  
 _I wish I could be human, so you could love me back._  
 _But maybe you still wouldn't._  
 ** _Because you still love him._**  
"I want to talk to you, Master." He replied, "Could you at least just sit beside the door? You don't have to get out."  
He heard some shuffling.  
"Could you just tell me a bit about him?" It was out of curiosity only, but part of him felt like it was also out of jealousy, "I just want to know how he was, but you don't have to talk if—"

"He was so kind, but he was so harsh on himself." Master said, his voice was quiet, as if he lost his voice due to shouting before, "He was adorable too. He was the most adorable person I had ever met."  
Master's words were punctuated by flipping pages.  
"To him, I was first, then was everyone else, then was himself." There was a feeling of a sad smile on his face, Nagito could feel it, "But to me, he was the first. Always."  
He seemed like a decent person, but it could be because Master overglorifies him.  
"He worried a lot about me," There was a choked sob between the words, "and he cared too much about me. He let me do anything to him?"  
"Anything?" Master hummed.  
"Anything. Even if it hurt him." He continued, "He hurt himself a lot too. He slit his wrists everyday."  
"Was he suicidal?"  
"He told me that he was before we fell in love." He replied, a bit sadly, "He said that he wanted to live with me for a longer time."

"Then why did he cut himself?"  
"He told me so that others could be happy too." He laughed a bit, "I persuaded him to stop but he didn't listen."  
He seemed like the character that would sacrifice themselves for others.  
"He let me do anything I wanted." Master said, "Do you want to hear an example?"  
"If it's alright with you."  
"I really hope he doesn't hate me for that though…" He whispered.  
What did Master mean?

" _Dear diary,_ " Was Master really reading his lover's diary? " _Today was an eventful day. I came back home late, because I had to take another shift. Makkun isn't really doing well at the moment. Today, he tried to hurt me with a sharp knife. **I know it's all because of his outbursts** , I know Makkun didn't really mean it, **he's just not doing well at the moment**. Ever since I told him about it, he seemed more prone to rage outbursts, which is most likely due to his fear for me leaving him so soon. I had to grab the knife away, but I got a deep cut. Makkun realized that he was acting violent, and apologized. I told him it didn't matter, but that didn't make him at ease. Makkun thought that I couldn't cook with an injured hand, but I thought letting Makkun cook wasn't safe. It was a good thing that Kirigiri-san and Maizono-san had some leftovers, which they shared while we were arguing about who should cook. Makkun seemed to feel really guilty about it, even when I said that it's okay, it didn't make him feel better. **I don't want Makkun to feel like that**. He ended up sleeping while holding my bandaged hand. If someone sees the injury tomorrow, I'm going to tell them that I accidentally cut my hand, just like I told Kirigiri-san and Maizono-san. I'm going to sleep now, but if I had to wish for something, it'd be Makkun getting better. Good night._ "

He didn't know how to respond.  
"Makkun was a nickname he came up with." Master answered, "It was silly to hear at first but I got used to it. I thought it was cute."  
"He really loved you, Master." For some reason, it felt like his love rivaled Nagito's love.  
"I still feel guilty about it, even if it was an accident." Master sighed, "Even if he didn't think of it as something negative, even if he wrote about it casually, I just can't forgive myself for hurting him."  
Nagito understood that guilt.  
"I can't forgive myself for everything I've done to him, even if most of them were accidents."  
"Was killing him an accident, Master?" Master sighed.  
"I don't think I can consider it as one." Master answered, "It was an accident, but it wasn't really one. I did it on purpose, but I didn't intend to kill him. I didn't think it'd kill him."

They were both silent.  
"I think—"  
"It's too late for us to be up." Master interrupts him, "I really should sleep, I have lots of planning to do tomorrow."  
Of course he had. The party was coming soon.  
And Nagito should really try to get along with everyone.  
"Before you go to your room, I want you to know something." Master says, Nagito stops walking.  
"What is it?" Master opens the door to his room.  
And with a smile, he replies.  
" **I love you**."  
"I know that, Master." He knew Master's feelings for him.  
It was **love**.  
The love a person would have **for their friends**.  
But Nagito didn't feel that way, he loved Master much deeply.  
He loved him as a lover, even if Master didn't love him that way.  
But maybe he would one day.  
Once he **forgets** about the boy he killed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His hair was soft. His skin was smooth.  
> He was—  
> He was everything a person could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally the chapter count is revealed! (i settled on everything so yes it's ending after two chapters) and i changed the rating because originally, i was putting an M rated scene in this chapter but the chapter was getting too long so i'm putting it in the next one. hopefully this is good enough... hope you enjoy reading!
> 
> tw (since i don't use additional tags this much) for emetophobia/vomit in the last part (in the first three paragraphs only)

Nagito wondered how a party worked.  
"It'll have lots of people." Master said, "All my classmates, maybe even more people."  
He wasn't sure what he'd do around this number of people.  
"It's fine." Master grabbed his hand, "You're going to do well."  
He didn't know if he believed in himself as much as Master believed in him.  
He should be grateful that Master didn't lock him.  
Not like he'd do that.  
But if it was another person, they would lock him in a room, never allow him to get out.  
"Hey." He, again, ruffled Nagito's hair, Nagito grew used to it as an affectionate act, "You don't need to worry about me. Just have fun."  
"Fun…?" He didn't know what was fun, "But you—"  
"I'm going to be fine. It's just a reunion." Master's eyes narrowed, "I don't think it'll be that bad."  
"I want to stay with you." Part of it was out of desire, but mostly it was because he wanted to stay with Master.  
He didn't trust everyone.

Master wouldn't let anyone make advances on him.  
Especially with his attachment to his lover.  
But it still made him anxious.  
"I don't want you to stay by my side." Master said, the words were a bit cruel, "I don't want to control you more than I already do."  
"But you might—"  
"I'll be okay, I promise." He flashed one of his smiles, "You can just check up on me, if you're too worried."  
It was going to be okay.  
As long as he can observe Master's status, he'll be fine.  
They'll both be fine.  
"You need to take care of yourself too." He said, "If you don't want to face anyone, you should go back to your room. I'll be there too."  
Nagito understood why. Master said that he's going to lock his room when the party is still ongoing.

"You don't mind it, right?" He seemed a bit worried about his decision, "I'm only going to sleep on your bed for one night. And you could—"  
"I don't shut down." Nagito interrupted him, "I'll be at the party or I'll bring a chair in the room. You can have the bed."  
Master didn't say anything.  
"It's not big, so I wouldn't fit anyway—"  
"I think it could be big for both of us." The offer was embarrassing, "We should sleep together."  
"I don't sleep…" Nagito stated, "But you have to sleep, Master. So the bed should be yours."  
"I know it sounds terrible," Master sighed, "but I'm not being sympathetic. I'm being selfish."  
He wanted to be selfish too.  
"I know it's selfish, but you're…" Master's didn't look at him, "You're really warm."

It was because of how robots had that heating system inside them.  
Nagito felt like it was a chance.  
A chance for himself to be selfish too.  
It was a bit manipulative, Nagito thought.  
He can't use Master's loneliness & grief to gain his love.  
But it wasn't like he was doing that.  
He's only going to sleep with Master.  
He's not going to do anything to him.  
He's just going to let him sleep with him.  
It's wrong to use Master.  
He'd never think about it.  
 _Is that really true?—_  
"It's fine." He answers, "I—"  
 _I love you._  
"I care about you above all."  
He couldn't say it.  
"I was hoping you'd say no." Master replied with a smile, "Do you enjoy it when I control you?"

Part of him enjoyed it.  
Being controlled like that.  
Following Master's orders.  
Following Master's ethics.  
Following Master's morals.  
Following Master.  
Of course it wasn't Master affecting him.  
It was his decision.  
"It's my decision." He repeats, "I want to sleep with you."  
"Why?"  
He knew the answer.  
"Master is warm."  
Master laughed.  
Master wasn't really warm.  
But something about him felt warm.  
Personality-wise, he supposes.  
But Master was soft.  
His hair was soft. His skin was smooth.  
He was—  
 **He was everything** a person could be.

"Do you think it's enough?" He asks, "The house might be big, but it's not extremely huge."  
"I think it'll be enough." Nagito answers, "I don't think fifteen is a large number."  
"It might not be just them." He smiles a bit, "A lot happened. Maybe some of them are dating, others might even be—"  
He stopped at that.  
Nagito noticed that he was a bit upset.  
"It makes me a bit jealous." He sighs, "Is it wrong?"  
He didn't think it was wrong.  
 _Not at all._  
"I just wish I didn't overreact." He continues, "I can't even remember why I was so angry."  
He understood, even if just a little.  
It was similar to Master's old lover.  
Nagito thought.  
 _I don't want Master to feel like that._  
It was a bit similar to what Master's lover said.  
_I don't want Makkun to feel like that._  
He said.  
That was what both of them wanted.  
"It wasn't your fault, Master." He blurred out, "I can tell it wasn't your fault."

"That's only because you think it is." Master says, "You didn't know how it was like."  
 _You don't understand, because you're just a robot._  
"But that's okay. It's better if you don't know." He continued, with a soft smile, "It's better if you don't trouble yourself with my past problems."  
They weren't really past problems, not if they were affecting Master right now too.  
"I just don't want you to suffer, because of me."  
He couldn't feel intense emotional pain.  
He can't suffer forever.  
"I love you. I really do. I'm doing it all for your sake."  
 _I love you more._  
 _I love you more than you think I do._  
"It's not that I don't trust you."  
He was a bit happy.  
Happy that Master trusted him.  
"Don't blame yourself for anything that happens." His words week a bit blurry, "You can blame me instead."  
"It's not your fault." It was unfair.  
"Nagito—" _ **It's not fair.**_  
" **Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. It's unfair. Unfair. Unfair. Unfair—** "  
His fingers were soft.  
"Shh." He said, his voice was quiet, it sounded really gentle, "Don't get too stressed. It's gonna hurt you."  
Nagito didn't care.  
But if Master says so, then he'll try his best.  
Master was close to him, closer than normal.  
Master brushed his wild hair aside, kissing his forehead.  
 _It's warm_ , was what Nagito thought.

 

 

Nagito isn't sure if that's a large number of people, but the house felt noisy.  
The hall monitor —Ishimaru-san, as Master told him— had a booming voice, befitting of his talent.  
The ex-biker, now working as a carpenter —Oowada-san, Master said— also had a loud voice, but it seemed a bit lighter.  
Kuwata-san, the ex-baseball star, now trying to find a career as a musician, was only loud at some times.  
The rest were fine.  
Maizono-san was nice, just as Master mentioned.  
Asahina-san, currently a swimmer, seemed also nice.  
Oogami-san, the strongest person in the world, if it wasn't an exaggeration, was also kind, even though he seemed a bit afraid of her. She was unusually gentle.  
Togami-san was a bit too rude, Nagito didn't wonder why, considering he's the heir to a company. He didn't seem on good terms with Master either, but at least they're not fighting.  
Hagakure-san, a fortune-teller, was a bit odd, but his personality wasn't bad.  
Yamada-san was pretty polite, despite the fact that he was an otaku. Nagito is just glad he wasn't too creepy.

Celes-san, a gambler, pretty wealthy as he hears, looked nice but there was something malicious about her.  
Fujisaki-san, a programmer, seemed pretty nice too. Too shy, however.  
Ikusaba-san looked like a lone wolf, which was fitting of her title as a soldier. She mentioned that she didn't tell her sister, Enoshima-san, about it. From what Kirigiri-san said, Enoshima-san caused lots of problems, and Master can't have more problems than he already do.  
Fukawa-san was a bit rude, not in a bad way though. She just seemed to insult people a lot. She was an author. Nagito didn't wonder why the name sounded too familiar. He praised her writing, and she seemed a bit happy about it.  
And last was, unexpectedly, Master's sister, Komaru-san.  
She didn't go to the same school as they all went, so she didn't have any talent.

Basically, seventeen people in the same house is a bit too much.  
Master already strayed away from him, joining a few others.  
He was on his own, for the moment.  
"Nagito-kun!" It seemed someone was calling him.  
He turned around to face her.  
"Yes, Komaru-san?" She seemed out of breath.  
"You walk so fast." Well… robots were that way, "I just wanted to ask you something."  
"What is it?" Of course, it was about Master, he'd expect that.  
"Is Makoto fine?" Of course, she'd ask that, "He ignored me when I asked him, so I thought I should ask you."  
 _It could be Kirigiri-san too though…_  
"I don't know." He answered truthfully, "Compared to last month, he's doing better."  
"Did he ever try to hurt you?" She asked, the question felt foreign to him, "I mean I know you're just a robot, but he could—."  
" **Did he ever hurt you** , Komaru-san?" It was just a simple question, "Did Master hurt you like he hurt him?"  
She seemed a bit surprised about it.  
"He told you…?" He nodded.  
"Not too much. I just know that Master had a lover. I don't even know his name, or how he looks like, or anything else about him."

"He changed a lot." She said, "Everything about him changed, except his height. He even grew his bangs out."  
So Master's hair was a bit different…  
"B-But, I don't think Makoto hurt anyone, aside from him!" It was almost as if Master hurt his own lover out of hate, "It had to do with something he hid from Makoto. I don't know what it was though."  
So… Master's lover hid something from Master.  
Nagito wonders how important it was.  
"Can you tell me more about him?" She shook her head, "Not even a bit?"  
"Talking about him is painful." She narrowed her eyes, "I don't think I ever liked him. But at some point, it felt lonely after he died. Maybe I really saw him as a brother."  
Humans felt like that.  
They rarely treasure what's important to them, and when they lose it, they try to grasp it.  
Of course they fail.  
"Maybe one day, he'll talk to you about it." She said, "He doesn't like keeping secrets forever."  
"It's fine." He answered, "I'm just glad he trusts me."

That was all he needed.  
Besides, it all has to do with Master.  
He has no right to find out for selfish reasons.  
"Hey. You're standing in the way." Someone said, Nagito doesn't recognize him, "You shouldn't really have a chat here."  
"Oh. Sorry." Both of them move aside.  
The stranger passes through them, walking downstairs.  
"Who was that?"  
"That's Hinata-san." She answers, "He was late, so you couldn't see him."  
"He's not one of Master's classmates." He noted, "I haven't heard of him."  
"He's not." Komaru-san hummed, "He was a reserve student."  
He didn't answer.  
"They were just untalented students in the school." She continued, "They didn't get invited to the school for free, but they registered to be part of it. I heard it was expensive."  
"Ah." It sort of made sense, "It must have been difficult."

He felt bad for Hinata-san.  
It must have felt secluded, it must have made him envious.  
Surely, there had to be **at least one person** who ridiculed him for it.  
Nagito understands, because he can't call himself talented.  
"But I don't think it really matters." He says, "Talents can make someone feel special, but everyone is special somehow."  
Nagito never saw Master as a lucky person.  
Frankly, he thought that Master was really unlucky, to go through so much at once.  
It feels painful.  
He can understand why Master is so isolated.  
"That was pretty optimistic…" Komaru-san mumbled.  
"Master told me that." He still remembers the words.  
 _It doesn't matter if you're not perfect at everything,_ Master smiled at him, _you're still special to me._  
"He didn't change much." She sighs, "Makoto had always been like that. Too optimistic. I can't handle it sometimes."  
And yet, she smiled.

"I want you to make him feel better." Her voice was almost pleading, "I want him to feel better. Can you help with that?"  
"I think that's my purpose." He knows that it is, "I can't withdraw from it."  
"Talking with you was nice." She hugged him, "Let's talk again next time."  
It was a long hug, and an awkward one.  
It took her a long time to let go of him.  
And when she finally let go, she looked like she didn't want to let go.  
She walked away from him, but his mind was still occupied with thoughts.  
She really is warm.  
It sort of reminds him of Master.  
 _Master?_  
He's doing alright, isn't he?  
Nagito hopes so.

 

 

Master was nowhere to be found.  
He looked through almost all of the house.  
At this point, he can memorize the entire house.  
"He said he's going to the bathroom. He's taking a bit too long."  
That's right. He didn't check the bathroom.  
But… wouldn't that be inappropriate?  
Maybe Master is just showering.  
But.. why would he shower now?  
Maybe something got spilled on his clothes.  
But a quick outfit change will be fine too.  
He knocked softly on the door.  
"Master?" There was no response.  
The door didn't seem locked either.  
"You don't mind it if I came in, right?" A choked 'no' sounded from inside.  
 **Choked?**  
That sounded really serious.  
He had no time to just stand in front of the door.  
What if Master was trying to commit suicide?  
What if Master was in danger?  
What if he was—  
He pushed the door.

Master didn't look like he was in a good position.  
"What are you doing?" He took out his fingers, "You need to breathe—"  
"It's fine." His voice was shaky, "I-I'm fine."  
He put his fingers again, he kept his eye-gaze fixated on the toilet.  
Nagito didn't understand why.  
Was Master suffocating himself to death?  
Did something get stuck inside his mouth?  
That didn't seem to be the case.  
His fingers went deep.  
Deep.  
Deep.  
 **Deep.**  
"You can't do that, Master." He still didn't understand, but it seemed dangerous, "You're going to end up hurting yourself."  
Master didn't listen.  
He didn't even face him.  
"Please don't ignore me like that, Master." It was starting to get a bit painful, "It hurts."  
Was Master upset?  
Was he angry?  
Is he taking it out on himself?  
Should Nagito stop him—

Master vomited.  
Then he coughed loudly, coughed continously.  
"I told you I w-was fine." Master answered, with a shaky hoarse voice, "Don't worry about it."  
"That was…"  
"Self-induced vomiting." He replied, "It was making me feel sick. I had to."  
"What was?"  
"The cake." Oh… Master mentioned that he hates cakes, " **It was a strawberry cake too…** "  
Nagito didn't understand why Master hated strawberry cakes.  
Even if he disliked cakes, he wondered, why did it have to be the strawberry one?  
"I just d-didn't want to make everyone feel bad." One of the guests brought it anyway, "So I forced myself to eat it, but it tasted so horrible. I was feeling horrible."  
"Don't push yourself." Nagito answered, "Don't force yourself to eat anything you hate."  
"It's okay." Master gave him a smile, a weak smile, a smile that hurt him, "Do you remember when you made that strawberry cake? I was going to tell you that I wanted to eat it, but I knew I'd force myself to spit it up. I just didn't want you to worry."  
"You're used to it, right?" Master hummed, "You shouldn't force yourself to eat it, not if it tastes bad to you."

"Because it's easier." His voice was beginning to crack, "They'd be hurt. You were a bit hurt when I said I wouldn't eat the cake you made, weren't you?"  
"It only hurt me because you were hurt." It wasn't too painful, but it still hurt nonetheless.  
"I'm sorry." It wasn't his fault, "I wish you weren't too connected to me. It feels you're being responsible for something that isn't your responsibility."  
"It is." He promised lots of people to take care of Master, "I don't mind getting hurt, not if it's for you."  
It was almost like **a declaration of love**.  
"You're an idiot, Nagito." He repeated the same words as that day, "It baffles me."  
"I really am." Master laughed a bit, "It confuses me too."  
"It's just out of curiosity, but," Master was smiling, "do you see me as anything?"  
The question was vague.  
"Anything." Master repeated, "Just anything in the world that you think resembles me."  
"Master is…" What was fitting for him?  
What was fitting for his personality?  
Master is.  
Master is.  
Master is.  
Master is?  
"Master reminds me of a volcano. Calm sometimes, and then suddenly bursting in anger sometimes, though still managing to look beautiful." It was inappropriate, wasn't it? "But also… Master also reminds of hot chocolate, it's warm and sweet—"

"I see." He smiled a bit, "You remind me of a pet. A clingy one. Maybe a cat or a dog."  
"Does it bother you?" Of course it did.  
"No. I find it quite endearing." He answered, "I had a dog when I was a child. It was clingy, but I liked it."  
It was nice to be seen like that.  
"Do you think I'm pathetic?" The question came out of blue, "I feel like I am."  
"You're not pathetic, Master." He just have been through a lot.  
"I'm putting too much pressure on you." He wasn't, "I'm hurting you."  
He was.  
He was hurting Nagito.  
"I don't care."  
It doesn't matter.  
"I don't want to regret anything."  
He can't regret anything.  
Not if Nagito doesn't make him regret anything.  
"I'm not going to let you have any more regrets in your life."  
"I made many mistakes in my life." They didn't matter.  
"I even killed someone—"  
 _ **IT DIDN'T MATTER**_  
 ~~ _ **HE DOESN'T MATTER.**_~~  
 ~~ _ **HE NEVER MATTERED.**_~~

"It's alright, Master." He could forgive him for it, "You don't have to keep reminding yourself of everything that—"  
"If I don't, then who will?" No one.  
Master isn't supposed to remember.  
Nagito wishes he could just erase his memories of the past.  
Maybe Master would be happier.  
Master was tearing up.  
He was slowly falling apart.  
"If I died, then would you forget about it?"  
…  
"You wouldn't, would you?"  
…  
He was right.  
He could never bring himself to forget.  
 **Because Master is—**  
"Just… don't talk to me."  
 **Everything he has—**  
 **Master was—**  
"But—"  
 **Everything he had—**  
"Don't follow me around either!"  
 **Everything—**  
"Don't touch me either, even if I was about to die."  
 **Did he lose it already?**

Master left the bathroom, he seemed to be in pain.  
Something in Nagito's body broke.  
It felt like that at least.  
Nothing was getting better.  
And it hurt.  
Did he… really say that?  
Did Nagito just tell Master that?  
Did Nagito just think of that?  
 **Was it really how he felt?**  
Does Master hate him?  
Is Master in pain, right now?  
Shouldn't he go and ch—  
He can't.  
Shouldn't he talk to—  
 **He can't.**  
He couldn't move. His body felt heavy.  
It was always heavy, but it felt heavier than usual.  
And it hurt, hurt, hurt—  
It might take a while for him to recover.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I could easily replace him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this was a fast update but listen i was excited to write this chapter (its the conclusion so) & also i want to end this hell fic fast. also this could be the end of the fic so if you're gonna stop reading after this chapter, then it's ok, since the last chapter is closer than an epilogue (i'm aiming for 1k words long)
> 
> tw (since i don't like Spoiling):
> 
> \- it mentions car accidents of some sort  
> \- also mentions of suicide  
> \- there's another disordered eating scene mentioned but there's no implications of emetophobia/vomit  
> \- the first part is sexual of some sort (not really a sex scene, but it's sort of described, not graphically though im bad at these
> 
> and lastly, for the final part, you need a binary translator (i used this one http://www.binarytranslator.com/ but it seemed to work well on another one)
> 
> hope you enjoy reading!

Nagito wasn't able to move until some time.  
He's not sure how many time had passed, but most guests were leaving by that time.  
The ones who stayed were cleaning up.  
"Oh, you're here." Kirigiri-san notices him, "Can you take care of Makoto-kun for us?"  
It would make no sense for him to do that.  
After all, Master said he can't.  
Master **hated** him.  
"He really wouldn't like to see me." He finally answers, "He said he didn't want me around."  
It might have been a lie.  
"I'm sure that's not the case right now." She hesitated, "He's—"  
"Nagito-kun~" Master threw himself on Nagito, it was a bit confusing, "I missed youu~!"  
He couldn't help but look at Kirigiri-san, who narrowed her eyes.  
"He's not sober right now."  
That's why he's acting so odd?  
"You should take him upstairs." Maizono-san said, "He seems to cling to you, so I don't think it's going to be a problem."

  
"That's fine." He grabbed Master, fortunately he was light, "Let's go, Master."  
"That sounds soo dirty, Nagito-kun!" Master giggled, "I didn't know you were into that."  
He wondered what that meant.  
Nagito kept walking in silence, Master seemed occupied by pressing his face on Nagito's head.  
By the time they reached to Nagito's room, Master began to cling… unusually close…  
"Is everything alright?" It felt like Master was bothered a bit, "Is anything wrong?"  
"It's okay, Nagito-kun!" His voice sounded unusually cheery, "I'm just happy to be with youuuuuuuu~"  
It sounded like a song.  
"Would you rather if I stick around , or if I go downstairs?" Even when he was drunk, Nagito didn't know whether Master wanted him around yet or not, "Are you still angry?"  
"I'm fine!" He answered, still gripping into Nagito's hair, "I'm glad you're here."  
Nagito had no choice other than to stay, then.  
Master seemed to not want him to go.

 

"You're going to do it this time, right?" Master was already in the bed, but it seemed like he had no intentions to sleep, "I'm not scared, trust me."  
"I don't understand what you're saying, Master." He didn't really understand what it all meant, "You should rest—"  
It wasn't like he meant to get so close.  
It wasn't like he expected it.  
Master was kissing him.  
It wasn't like the ones he gave, not on the forehead or the cheeks.  
It didn't feel like the affection Master would give him.  
**It was wet.**  
Despite the fact that he did want Master to love him, he didn't want it to start like that.  
He expected a love confession, then a soft kiss.  
Not a sloppy kiss and a—  
"Fuck me."  
That's not how it should've been.  
"I can't." He wasn't allowed to, "I can't touch you like that."  
He doesn't have any genitals, now that he thinks about it.  
Using his fingers would be a good choice, but it might be dangerous.  
He might end up hurting him.  
"Please." Master seemed to beg, "Please, Na-gi-to-kun."  
He can't.  
He told himself that he can't let anyone touch Master in that way.  
~~But… didn't he exclude himself from that?~~

 

That didn't stop Master from clinging to him.  
It didn't stop him from kissing him.  
It just didn't stop him from begging.  
"I-I…" He blushed, his face was too red, "I'm hard…"  
That still didn't convince Nagito to do it.  
"You could just pretend I'm whoever you like." He continued, "I don't care. I just want to have sex."  
For some reason, Master talked as if this situation occurred before.  
Nagito didn't understand what he meant.  
It might have to deal with his past.  
"I can't touch you." Nagito insisted, "Master, I'm not—"  
"If you're really persistent on the Master-Servant play," Master asked, his voice seemed a bit innocent, "then it's an order. I order you to do it."  
He had no choice.  
He lay next to Master, then turned him away.  
He didn't want to remember it.  
He didn't want to know that it was Master.  
He hopes he could forget about it.  
He didn't even want to take off anything off.  
He just slid his hand across Master's body.  
The mere touch felt like fire. It was hot.  
He had nothing to guide him, but it was alright. ~~  
~~ He knew that he was touching Master's chest.

 

He moved down, feeling Master's pants.  
He heard a gasp.  
"C-Continue." Master answered, "You're c-close."  
Was Master simply just **desperate**?  
_It must have been that._  
His hand slid into Master's pants. He was bad at it.  
_After all…_  
His hand was inside Master's boxers.  
_His lover died._  
Nagito didn't know how their relationship was, in sexual terms.  
But he doubts Master pursued a sexual relationship after that, not even a romantic relationship.  
It must have been rough.  
Master's breathing was heavy.  
It had some charm to it, but Nagito kept reminding himself.  
He was just doing it for Master's sake.  
It wasn't what he wanted.  
~~Maybe if they fell in love properly, it might have been what he wanted.~~  
"N-Nagito-kun." Master's voice was difficult to hear, it was low.  
Master grabbed his other hand. It had been on his side, but for some reason Master managed to get hold of it.

 

Master's hand was trembling. His body was shivering. His voice was husky. His face—  
Part of Nagito wanted to see his face, but he restricted himself from doing that.  
Part of him found beauty in Master's current state, and he hated it.  
He hated that he liked hearing Master's moaning, he despised that he thought Master's shaking body was beautiful.  
He was disgusted that his hand moved faster.  
He couldn't stand the way Master repeated his name.  
~~He couldn't wait until he could do it again.~~  
He couldn't bear it, he wanted it to end.  
He wanted to stop.  
~~He didn't want to.~~  
_You should stop._  
~~_But Master didn't come yet._~~  
_You shouldn't be doing that._  
~~_He asked me to._~~  
_You still don't have the right to touch him—_  
He's glad Master is drunk, he wouldn't have to remember that.  
He doesn't want Master to know that his own creation touched him.

 

His hand was wet.  
He's not sure if he should be impressed, or disgusted.  
"T-Thank you, Nagito-kun." It seemed like Master's voice was lower than before, "But, I'm also—"  
Nagito only looked at his hand, stained with white.  
It was proof of what he has done.  
"I'm sorry." He didn't expect Master to cry, "I used you. For sex. Even when you said that you didn't want to touch anyone aside from your loved one that way."  
It was just Master's thoughts, perhaps a fantasy.  
"But I really wanted it. I really wanted to have sex with you. I wanted you to touch me like that." He continued, "I've wanted that ever since— ever since we became acquaintances."  
Was it a fantasy relating to his past?  
But Master didn't have any other sexual relationships after that.  
He seemed against finding someone else.  
"I wanted to do anything for it." It was difficult to hear Master says these words, "I was willing to fake my feelings for you, just so you don't mind touching me."  
He was somewhat cruel.  
"That's why… I'm sorry…" He yawned, he was almost closing his eyes, "For letting you go through that… Kom—a—"  
He couldn't continue, as he already fell asleep.  
Well… it was exhausting… for Master in his case.  
For Nagito's case, it was psychologically painful.  
~~He hopes he could forget about it.~~

 

 

When he was already done, he was surprised by everyone leaving.  
Or so he thinks.  
"Hey." Apparently, for whatever reason, Hinata-san was still there, "I need to talk to you, **Robot**."  
It was harsh… he had a name.  
" **It's Nagito**." He points out, "What is it, Hinata-san?"  
"It's a long story." Hinata-san sighed, "We should sit down."  
Hinata-san walked away.  
"Follow me." Nagito had no choice but to follow him, "It's going to be a bit of a shock, so you should be able to handle it."  
"Is it related to Master?" _Of course it had to_.  
"Yeah…" Hinata-san answered, "I'm just going to tell you what Naegi can't tell you."  
"But—"  
"He asked me to." Hinata-san continued, "He pulled me aside, and pleaded me to tell you. He said he wouldn't be able to tell you everything that happened back then."  
"Does it have to do with his past?" Nagito asked, "If it does then I don't really have to hear it—"  
"It's related to you too." Hinata-san interrupted him, "You're related to his past."  
It sort of made sense.  
He was created for Master's sake, wasn't he?  
They both sat on the couch, both in silence.

 

Hinata-san was fiddling with his phone.  
"Do you know who that is?" Hinata-san pushed the phone to Nagito's face.  
It was… a picture of him.  
"It's me." But it wasn't really him, robots can't express feelings, "But—"  
The him in the picture was smiling. Nagito had to admit that he looked more beautiful.  
"It's not you." Hinata-san said, "It's who you were based on."  
It was a bit shocking.  
"If it isn't me, then who else could it—"  
"Komaeda Nagito." Hinata-san answers, still interrupting him.  
"Komaeda…" He thought he heard it before, Master mentioned something close to that. He said 'Koma', "So I was created and named after someone who had a sexual relationship with Master?"  
Hinata-san shook his head.  
"It was more than a sexual relationship."  
Then it could only mean one thing.  
"It was… **him** , wasn't it?" Hinata-san nodded, Nagito wondered if Hinata-san knew who he meant, "It was—"  
"Yes." Hinata-san replied, "It was his lover."  
"But Master said he didn't love him." They couldn't be the same person, "Master said that it wasn't romantic—"  
"It was like that at first." Hinata-san sighed, "They didn't like each other romantically. They weren't even friends. They were just acquaintances in high school."

 

"Why not?" Nagito asks, "It'd make more sense if they fell for each other in high school."  
_Because Master loved him so much, he wanted to do anything for him._  
"Naegi was mostly fixated on trying to get into relationships with his friends." Hinata-san answered, "Komaeda didn't even bother about making advances on anyone. Besides, Komaeda stayed home at some times and he always left early, so they couldn't manage to become friends.  
"What about the sexual attraction?" Nagito understood a bit, "Master was sexually attracted to him, wasn't he?"  
"It wasn't really sexual attraction." Hinata-san hums, "I don't think it was. It might have been just a little bit of a crush. Maybe **he didn't know how he felt about him**."  
He wondered how they ended up together.  
"When did they start dating, then?" He wondered if they started as friends at some point.  
"I don't know." Hinata-san shrugged, "At some point after graduating, they reunited and started dating."  
Of course it couldn't be immediately.

 

"Listen, I'm not really the best person to ask." Hinata-san's voice sounded exhausted, "I'm just telling you the important details. You could ask Naegi about the rest."  
Of course he had to confront Master about it.  
After all, it was all Master's past, not Hinata-san's.  
"Their relationship moved fast." Hinata-san continued, "I was impressed. Two people who weren't able to be friends start dating… **I didn't even think they'd last for more than a month**."  
He felt something sting.  
Maybe he was a bit jealous.  
"But most importantly," Hinata-san smiled a bit, "I was happy. Even though I didn't know how they ended up together, they were both so happy. I don't think I've seen Komaeda miserable when they were dating. Maybe once or twice, but no more than that."  
Nagito wonders if Komaeda was happy when Master killed him too.  
"They were happy, but," Hinata-san frowned a bit, "they faced some difficulties."  
Ah… it must have meant how Master would get so angry.  
He wonders if Hinata-san knew why.  
"For some reason, Komaeda didn't want to be separated from Naegi." It seemed like he didn't know, Komaeda did a good job hiding it, "When I asked him why, he laughed it off and said that he didn't want to be away from his 'sweetheart' for too long. But I doubt that was it."

 

As much as he hated admitting it, Nagito thought Komaeda was **awe-inspiring**.  
He wished he was like that too.  
Maybe, considering that he's a copy of him, he could be.  
~~Maybe he already is.~~  
"Did Komaeda like anyone aside from Master?" Hinata-san shrugged.  
"I don't know. You'd have to ask him yourself."  
There was silence.  
"Except… you can't technically do that…" His voice was a bit somber, "He was horrible, but I can't hate him for it."  
"How did you meet him, Hinata-san?" He should've asked before.  
"In high school, we were acquaintances too." He sighed, as if he didn't want to recall that, "I had a friend from his class. Her name was Nanami. She once brought him to meet me, and it's been difficult to deal with."  
Hinata-san sounded happy when he mentioned Nanami-san.  
"He hated me more than he hated anyone else." Hinata-san sighed, "Komaeda tended to not like people without talents. And I was in the reserve course, so he really hated me."  
It was unexpected, **for someone who's been glorified in some way by many people, to be like that**.  
"He hated himself too, for having a lousy talent." But no talent was lousy, not to Nagito, "But I'm sure his good luck was nothing considered as a lousy talent."  
"So that means he and Master shared the same talent?" Part of him expected that, maybe that's why they had to be acquaintances, "Did Komaeda hate Master too?"

 

"Not really." Hinata-san said, "Not that I know, but he seemed to talk about him fondly, back in high school. He said he had great expectations for him."  
They were in silence again.  
"Naegi was able to change him at some point," Master was surely amazing, "so thankfully, I didn't have to hear anymore _'Pathetic Hinata-kun from the reserve course'_ ever again."  
Komaeda sounded difficult to deal with.  
Nagito is glad he doesn't have to deal with him.  
"Did Master really love him?" _Of course he did. What kind of question was that?_  
Hinata-san hummed, "They loved each other so deeply, it's almost indescribable."  
"Then, why did Master kill him?" The words seemed to shock Hinata-san.  
Didn't anyone know about it?  
"Who told you that?" His voice wasn't the same calm one.  
"Master did." Nagito tilted his head, "Is everything alright?"  
"Why would he make it sound like that?" Hinata-san said, as if he was talking to himself.  
"You mean Master didn't kill him?" Nagito asked, maybe Hinata-san didn't know about it.  
"Naegi didn't kill him, he's just saying that because he feels responsible for it," Hinata-san looked away, "for Komaeda's suicide."

 

Nagito wondered why Komaeda killed himself.  
"He was happy, wasn't he?" Hinata-san nodded, " **Then why did he kill himself?** "  
"No one really knows." Hinata-san answered, "He didn't leave anything. He just walked in front of a car, and then was sent to the hospital."  
He wonders if Komaeda only did it for hurting Master.  
~~Or maybe he wasn't really happy.~~  
Komaeda wasn't really as perfect as Master thought.  
"Naegi was hurt when the doctors said that they couldn't save him." Hinata-san recalled, "He denied it being suicide too."  
Maybe that's why he feels so guilty.  
"I think it affected him the most." It was obvious, "He was willing to pay more, just so he could save him. After his death, he felt like he had to take care of his corpse before the funeral. He didn't even want to cremate his dead body. He said he didn't want to."  
Hinata-san pointed at him.  
"Basically, I think you're just a replacement. **Naegi only created you out of grief**."  
"If that is so, then would it mean that Master would also fall in love with me?" It was a ridiculous question, "Do you think so?"  
Hinata-san laughed.  
"He might. If you were identical to Komaeda."  
But Nagito trusted himself.  
If he was supposed to look like the so-called Komaeda Nagito, he might as well be able to replace him, **erasing him from Master's memories**.

 

 

Hinata-san leaves after a while.  
Master seemed to wake up after a while.  
"I'm sorry about your bed." Master says, after he gets out of the shower, his face is red, "I made a mess on your bed."  
Nagito hummed.  
"It's okay, Master." He couldn't not reveal it, considering how Master didn't want things hidden, "It's my fault."  
"Hm?" Master looked at him in confusion, "What do you mean?"  
"I touched you, Master." Master seemed to be red, "You were drunk and I couldn't say 'no'. You said—"  
"It wasn't a wet dream…" Master mumbled, "It's fine, Nagito."  
Silence.  
"Hinata-san told me." He felt the need to mention it.  
"I'm sorry, Nagito." He didn't hate Master for it, in fact he was grateful, "I still do care about you."  
"It's okay, Master." He still had to explain a few things, "How did you get reunited?"  
"It was similar to what I did with you, I guess…" Master still blushed, "I went out drinking. He was there. I ended up making out with him, considering I just had a break up. I asked him to have sex with me. He didn't really want to do it. I ended up having to do it myself."  
It still hurt, seeing Master smile.  
"But… he didn't want to leave me." Master continued, "He slept with me the entire night. He only left when I woke up. At that point, I realized something…"

 

"All these confusing feelings for him. **They felt like love**."  
"But he still hid some stuff from you, didn't he?" He was jealous, "He kept secrets from you. Komaru-san told me."  
"He just didn't want to hurt my feelings." Master's tone was full of guilt, "He was sick. Terminally ill. I found out at some point, and I was angry. I was angry, because I was scared. I was going to lose him."  
**It's ironic** , considering Komaeda died before his disease killed him.  
He ended his life, before the disease could.  
"Part of me was angry, but he knew—" Master wiped his tears away, "He knew I was scared of losing him. He knew that all the anger directed towards him was just helplessness and fear."  
_But did Komaeda try to help?_  
"He tried his best to make me feel better." _What did he do?_ "He said he found a therapist for me. But I wasn't getting any better, I was just getting worse. He didn't think it was my fault, he blamed the therapist."  
~~Nagito wished he could be similar to him.~~  
Considering he's slowly gaining emotions, he could get up one morning, and realizes that he's gaining human characteristics.  
"One day, I felt really guilty. It was a few days after the time I cut his hand with the knife." Master faced the floor, "So I made a stupid decision. I left him, in the middle of the night."  
"Did he find you?" Nagito asked, if it was him, he'd find Master, despite all odds.  
"No." Master shook his head, "But he spent a long time, looking for me. I don't know why, but I felt like I had to come back to him. I couldn't say anything. I only looked at him, I only looked at his puffed eyes. And he only, hugged me, then started crying again. That was when I realized that I shouldn't have left him.”

 

"Was Komaeda happy?" Nagito asked, "Was he truly happy with you, Master?"  
" **You're not using honorifics for him**." Master noted, "Could he be a special case for you, Nagito?"  
"…" Nagito **hated** him, that's why he felt that he didn't need to use honorifics, "I dislike him, for making you suffer."  
Master ignored his words.  
"He was happy." Master answered, "He didn't cry much. He only cried at some times. He was just really paranoid."  
" **Why did he kill himself then?** " Master shook his head.  
"It's not suicide." _Oh… that's right… Master doesn't think it's suicide, he deluded himself into thinking it wasn't suicide_ , "He was never suicidal. He cut sometimes, but he said it was all so he could balance his bad luck, he didn't want it to hurt anyone."  
Master frowned a bit.  
"It's my fault." _It wasn't_ , that was what Nagito thought, "I was angry at him. I ended up telling him to leave me alone, and he just smiled at me, said 'okay', and left the house."  
So that was why Master said that it was an accident.  
He never knew telling him that would cause Komaeda to commit suicide.  
"I wanted to chase after him, but I couldn't." Master laughed, almost as if he was mocking someone, "If I did run after him, he wouldn't be dead. If I didn't tell him to leave me alone, I could've saved him from that fate."

 

"The next day, the hospital called me and told me about how they needed me to be there for him." Master continued, "I thought it was his disease acting up, but it wasn't. They said he was bleeding, they told me about how he was found by someone on the street after the car hit him. I was scared, I had to talk to him, but I wasn't allowed in."  
It'd be **difficult** to make Master forget, but he could **try**.  
"He was in a bad state." Master's eyes were still full of tears, "I tried to pay extra money, I tried to find a way to talk to him, I tried everything I could. But in the end, he just died. At that point, **I wanted to die too**. I wished it was me, I wished I was crushed by that car instead of him."  
"I'm glad you're still alive." He felt the need to say that, "I'm glad it wasn't you."  
"No, I deserve it." Master sobbed, "It should've been me."  
Nagito didn't say anything more.  
"The doctors gave me a box. They said that he insisted on giving it to me. He begged them to send it to me, if I show up. They said it was **as if he chose his own life, over that box**."  
Master was shaking a bit, "I didn't really want to open it. It was covered in his blood. But I was curious on what it would be."  
"It was messy, but I understood what it was meant to be," Master smiled, bitterly, " **a strawberry cake**. He bought me one to apologize for yesterday. It hurt so much, seeing the dry blood on the box. But I figured that I had to eat it, it was from him. **But it tasted like death, like blood, like pain**. Despite that, I forced myself to eat it, because he bought it for me."

 

Master was in pain.  
Nagito had to do something about it.  
"It's fine, Master." Nagito answered, "You can forget about him."  
"Why would I?" Master asked, "Why would I forget?."  
"Because I'm supposed to be a replacement." Nagito answered, "Because I could take his place, you should forget about him, Master—"  
"You're not a replacement." Master smiled, " **You're your own person**. I told you that, right?"  
"But you built me for the sake of forgetting him, didn't you?" Master looked away.  
"Nagito."  
"I could easily replace him."  
"Nagito."  
"I could easily love you just like he loved you."  
"Nagito!"  
"I love you, Master. You could just pretend I'm him."  
" **Nagito!** "  
"It's okay, Master. I'm gaining human qualities—"  
" **Just shut up and listen to me!** "  
Master looked angry, but also broken.  
"Did you think I was replacing him with you?" Master asked, his eyes teared up a bit, "Did you really expect that?"  
"Yes, because—"  
_I look like him, don't I?_  
"I thought of it." Master answered, "But I couldn't, because you weren't the 'Nagito' I loved. You were just a copy of what he looked like."

 

_Huh?_  
"I never thought about loving you, Nagito." It was unfair, "I said that I love you, but I never meant it like that."  
"Why?" Nagito asked, "Why do you still love him?"  
"I was the only person he had." Master answered with a smile, "I was the only person who was close to what he'd call 'family'."  
_You are everything I have too._  
"But you were only his boyfriend." Nagito answered, " **You could've broken up**."  
Master pointed at the pendant on his neck.  
"That," Master smiled, he was blushing a bit too, "he gave it to me as a promise that he'd marry me."  
Nagito knew what that would make him.  
**A fiancé.**  
"I'm sorry, Nagito." Master smiled softly at him, " **He's irreplaceable**."  
"But I—" Nagito felt it burn, "I love you, Master."  
It wasn't fair.  
Nagito also had no one other than Master.  
Nagito also loved Master.  
"It's just unrequited love." Master answered, "You should get over it, you could fall in love with someone else."  
"But I— I—"  
"Don't be hard on yourself."  
Nagito hated him.  
**He hated Komaeda Nagito.**  
**He despised Komaeda Nagito.**  
**He loathed Komaeda Nagito.**  
If he had to erase anyone from existence, **it'd be Komaeda Nagito**.

 

_01010111 01101000 01111001 00111111_  
"Don't cry." Master tried to wipe off the small droplet of oil off Nagito's face, "I never wanted to hurt you like that."  
_01001001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00101110 00101110_  
"Maybe it would've been better if I wasn't so selfish." Master's hand was getting oily, "You wouldn't suffer."  
_01000010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100101 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110_  
"It's okay, Nagito." Master stroked his hair, "I know it hurts, but **it'll be over soon**."  
_01001001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 01110011 00101110_  
Nagito's body was slowly weakening.  
_01001001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101100 00100000 01001101 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00101110_  
"I'm sorry it had to end like that."  
_01001001 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101100 00100000 01001101 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00101110_  
"Goodbye." Nagito's body hit the ground, "But... **you were a big idiot, Nagito**."  
_01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00101110 00100000_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey… can we talk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally!! the last chapter! (and that's officially the longest thing i've written apparently & the only multi-chapter fic i managed to finish) i don't have much to say so i'll write everything in the notes below. hope you have a nice read!

"Hey… can we talk?"

 

"Of course it'd be me doing the most talk, but I don't really mind."

 

"I just want to talk to you. You can just listen."

 

_What are we going to talk about?_

 

_You haven't been here for so long._

 

_It sort of hurt me…_

 

"I'm sorry for not visiting you."

 

"It's been two years, but I still wonder if it's the right thing to do."

 

_Of course it is._

 

_It's only natural to do so._

 

"It's just… knowing that you're gone, it hurts."

 

_It's fine._

 

_I won't go anywhere._

 

_I can't go anywhere._

 

"I know you're probably laughing at me right now."

 

"I've always thought you were a bit of a jerk."

 

_I wouldn't laugh at you._

 

_Not now, at least._

 

_But I have to admit, you look dead._

 

_Are you alright?_

 

"I just didn't want to see you like that."

 

"I wish I could talk with you properly."

 

"As in, face-to-face. Not face-to-grave."

 

_It can't be helped._

 

_But you… really look dead. You should really explain that._

 

_Have you been sleeping well?_

 

_Have you been eating?_

 

"A lot has happened. I've done something stupid again."

 

"If you were still alive, you wouldn't forgive me."

 

_I'd forgive you, no matter what happens._

 

_**Even if the whole world turned against you** , I'd still forgive you._

 

_I love you._

 

"I didn't want to face you, because you'd think I was pathetic."

 

"For not sleeping much, for not eating much."

 

"I was a mess. I still am."

 

"I just wanted to see you again, that's why…"

 

_You tried to kill yourself?_

 

_Don't tell me that you did._

 

_If you did that, I won't be able to forgive myself for dying._

 

"I decided I should just bring you back to life."

 

_..._

 

_You had no way to do it._

 

_How did you manage to?_

 

"I decided to use the last drawing I drew of you as a reference."

 

_Ah… the one you drew when you were cleaning my corpse…_

 

_I thought it was really detailed._

 

_You're so talented, Makkun!_

 

"Then, I spent two years creating an android resembling you."

 

"I used reference of course. From books, from Souda-kun, I tried my best."

 

"I knew I was trying to replace you."

 

"I only realized it when I first turned him on."

 

"It was your voice, but it sounded empty. It was you, but you looked empty."

 

"Besides, you didn't call me with my name. You just called me 'Master'."

 

_You can't turn all of me into a robot._

 

_Robots are robots, humans are humans._

 

_Neither can be the same._

 

_So far, it seems to be stupid enough, but I bet you did something even more stupid, didn't you?_

 

"I didn't want to name him after you."

 

"But he told me to choose a name."

 

"And your name was the only one I had in mind."

 

"Of course I didn't call him 'Komaeda Nagito'. Just 'Nagito'."

 

"He wasn't really you, after all."

 

_You should've known though._

 

_He was merely an imitation of me, in terms of appearance._

 

"I bought him new clothes."

 

"I didn't want him to use yours."

 

"Yours are still in the closet, by the way."

 

"They still smell like you."

 

_That'd sound creepy, if we weren't dating._

 

"He slept in the guest room."

 

"I couldn't let him into our room."

 

"I wasn't ready to tell him the truth."

 

"He asked what he was to me."

 

"I told that he's independent."

 

"He wanted to be 'My Nagito'."

 

"He thought he was, at least."

 

_Technically, I'm 'your Nagito', aren't I?_

 

_You never said I was yours._

 

_But… I still consider me as yours._

 

"I snapped at him."

 

"I didn't mean to. I felt like I scared him."

 

"He didn't talk to me."

 

_Well… you're a bit scary when you're angry._

 

_Cute… but still scary._

 

"Then I snapped at him again."

 

"I almost told him to leave me alone."

 

"Then, I remembered how you left too."

 

"I was scared. So I told him to stay in his room."

 

_You know… I was planning on coming back._

 

_I'm sorry I left._

 

"I called Kyouko-san but ended up falling asleep."

 

"Thankfully, she didn't leave."

 

"She wanted to talk about me leaving the house."

 

"I didn't want to."

 

"She thought that the Nagito I built was just me moving on."

 

"But I didn't move on."

 

"He wasn't you."

 

" **I just made a big mistake**."

 

_It's okay._

 

_I made lots of mistakes too._

 

"I told him about you."

 

"About how I killed you."

 

_It wasn't really your fault, Makkun._

 

_I should've known you meant I could just go to a different room._

 

_Just leave you alone for a while, go to another room, do something else._

 

"He said he couldn't hate me for it."

 

"He insisted that it's not my fault."

 

"I hated it."

 

"Because it reminded me of you."

 

_It wasn't your fault._

 

_Nothing that has ever happened to me was your fault._

 

_In fact, I should blame myself for making you suffer like that._

 

"At some point, he said he could feel emotions deep inside them."

 

"I'm pretty sure that at that point too, he fell for me."

 

"But I couldn't see it."

 

"I couldn't see my feelings for you back then."

 

"So I couldn't see anything he felt towards me."

 

_Feelings are confusing in the first place._

 

_The fact that they only started as sex fantasies in high school is proof enough._

 

_It must have been difficult to figure out, to the point that you only regarded it as sexual attraction._

 

"He made me feel better."

 

"I was still a mess, but he really did."

 

"He tried to take tips from Kyouko-san."

 

"But one day, I snapped at him again."

 

"I lost my ring."

 

"Please don't be mad."

 

_I'm not._

 

_You found it, didn't you?_

 

"When he found it for me, he said that I didn't need to hold on to promises like that."

 

"Of course I got angry."

 

"I mean… you promised me that you'd marry me."

 

"I really wanted to marry you."

 

"I still do."

 

"That's why I'm still wearing it."

 

_I'm sorry I couldn't propose to you properly._

 

"He was just a robot."

 

"He didn't understand."

 

"Then, I did it again."

 

"I locked myself in our room."

 

_You know that shutting yourself in there doesn't help, don't you?_

 

"He apologized."

 

"Then asked about you."

 

_He seems to be a bit too obsessed with me._

 

"I told him about you."

 

"I even read a page out of your diary."

 

"I hope you don't mind."

 

_I don't._

 

_It wasn't really personal._

 

_It just helped me to remember._

 

"At some point, we had a party, a few days later."

 

"Kyouko-san said it'd make me feel better."

 

"It didn't really."

 

"I also told Hinata-kun to tell him all about you."

 

"I couldn't muster the courage to tell him myself."

 

"He kept pressuring me to forget you."

 

"He was jealous."

 

"Because you were nothing like him."

 

_I wouldn't call myself perfect._

 

_But maybe, you made me sound too perfect._

 

"I ended up drinking."

 

"Then I… tried to have sex with him."

 

"…I'm sorry… I thought it was you."

 

_It's fine._

 

_You didn't have sex anyway._

 

"I ended up pressuring him too. He ended up giving me a handjob."

 

"I can't remember the rest."

 

"I thought it was all a wet dream."

 

_…_

 

_That makes me feel jealous._

 

_To know that I lost you to a robot, it makes me jealous._

 

"When I woke up, I explained everything."

 

"And he answered with how he could replace you."

 

"I think he didn't like you."

 

"Because I loved you."

 

"He was jealous of you."

 

_I can see why he doesn't like me._

 

_It doesn't seem like I'd like him either._

 

"I told him that I can't replace you."

 

"He was broken."

 

"Really broken. He literally started falling apart."

 

"It hurt a bit."

 

"But I wanted it."

 

"I couldn't bring myself to destroy him."

 

" **But I wanted him to die, so badly**."

 

"Because it's much better that way."

 

"Neither of us would have to suffer like that."

 

_You're brutal._

 

_But that's fine._

 

_We're both cruel in some way._

 

_You and I._

 

"What's ironic is that he only survived for one month."

 

"He didn't even manage to reach two. Just one."

 

"Hinata-kun thought our relationship wouldn't survive that long."

 

"Ironically, it did. But what I thought was my symbol for my love for you didn't."

 

_Hinata-kun just couldn't believe it._

 

_Besides, I'm not sure he knows about us back in high school._

 

_I'd say we were **almost friends** , rather than acquaintances._

 

"You like it, don't you?"

 

"My hair."

 

"I think you didn't like it when I cut it."

 

"So I grew it back."

 

_It's not that I didn't like it._

 

_I just preferred it when your hair was a bit longer._

 

_You looked cuter._

 

"…"

 

_Don't cry like that._

 

"I miss you, Nagito."

 

"I'm sorry you had to die like that."

 

"Because of me."

 

_It's not your fault._

 

"It's not suicide, right?"

 

"You didn't commit suicide, right?"

 

_I didn't._

 

_It was **just an accident**._

 

_You don't have to get so worked up about it._

 

_Well… it **might** be murder._

 

_I won't be surprised, if someone wanted to kill me._

 

_I killed many people too._

 

_But for now, I believe it's just an accident._

 

"…"

 

_You have a beautiful smile._

 

"Hey… listen…"

 

"I'll die too."

 

"So until then, **wait for me**."

 

_I would gladly wait for you._

 

_But if you end up killing yourself to see me, we're not getting married._

 

_…_

 

_It's not like I could stop myself from marrying you anyway…_

 

_I want it so badly._

 

_But just don't commit suicide._

 

_I'll be upset._

 

_I'll have to make you suffer._

 

_Not sure how, but I’ll make you suffer, if you kill yourself for my sake._

 

_**You’re going to regret it**._

 

"You're going to remain here forever, right?"

 

_Yes._

 

_Apparently, tortured souls can't rest._

 

_And it hurts me._

 

_I just can't pass on, knowing that you're in so much pain._

 

_So I'll remain here._

 

_Until the day you die._

 

"Of course you are."

 

"And when I die, I'll be with you."

 

"Hopefully, at least."

 

"I'm not sure if I should tell them that I want to be buried by your side."

 

_You shouldn't talk much about death._

 

_It's really unlike you._

 

_I'm sure you're used to hearing me talk about it._

 

_But something about hearing you talk about it hurts._

 

_Please don't say things like these, Makkun._

 

"It's late."

 

"I wish I could've arrived earlier."

 

"I'm going home."

 

"Maybe get a take-out or cook something."

 

_..._

 

_**Don't go**._

 

_It's been so lonely._

 

_**Don't disappear again**._

 

"I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"I'm happy that I came."

 

" **I'm not leaving you alone again**."

 

"If I have to promise you something, it's that."

 

_…_

 

_You're cheesy._

 

_And I know it's impossible…_

 

_But I want to kiss you._

 

_I mean… I'm glad you're kissing my gravestone right now, but I can't really feel it._

 

"Goodnight."

 

"I promise, I'm coming back tomorrow."

 

_Good night, Makkun._

 

_Please sleep properly._

 

_And eat properly._

 

_And leave the house more._

 

_It won't hurt._

 

"I love you, Nagito."

 

"…"

 

"I love you, Nagi-kun."

 

_You don't have to give nicknames._

 

_Also your face is so red._

 

_How long have you been waiting to use that nickname?_

 

_But…_

 

_I love you too, Makkun._

 

_Even though you hurt me._

 

_Even though you did terrible things._

 

_Sometimes I think that it wouldn't turn out like that if I just told you about my dementia._

 

_Maybe—_

 

_Oh… you're gone…_

 

_Then, maybe we could talk again tomorrow._

 

 

 

**_See you, glimmering light._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you came this far, thank you for reading! (even though it was a bit too predictable, not that i mind) i had lots of inspirations for this fic. two of them were fics (unfortunately i can't link them since i lost both of them & one of them was written for one of the big fandoms so i can't go through the tag here & look it up, considering it was written at least 2 years ago.
> 
> for my most important inspiration for the fic, it's ironically the dr fandom. i had this fic idea before drae was released. i think it was mid-2014 but the thing is that famitsu was posting the characters. when komaeda was announced to be listed as 'servant', some people were wondering why he's always referred to as 'servant' & some of them assumed that he wasn't komaeda. i was thinking about the 'servant is a komaeda clone' theories & thought of a vague idea for this fic. i wrote the fic as if nagito (or robo komaeda, whichever you prefer) was servant, and the real komaeda was komaeda. (@ dr fandom: it wasn't that deep but in the end i got an inspiration. thank u)
> 
> thats all i guess? thanks for the comments & kudos!! and also thank you for reading! (and putting up with this hell fic). maybe i'll try writing another multi-chapter fic, but we'll see about that.


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